Did I?
“You always do,” he said. “There’s a fire in you that I admire, Lily. I always have. You push me, and I push you back. You bring out a passion in me that doesn’t exist when you’re not around. I would never have taken your office if I’d had a choice.”
“You could have said no.”
“Has the library ever acceptednofrom anyone about anything?”
Probably not. I lifted my chin and didn’t answer. I needed to pull away. I needed to clear my head and retake control of this conversation. But his touch was pleasant, even if I hated to admit it, even to myself.
“You want to know what I have on this case so far?” he asked. “Not much, not before our collaboration tonight.”
Not much?Now I knew he was lying. “You met with Cornelius Kurnbottom yesterday. I saw you. Don’t tell me you have nothing.”
He pulled his hand away, leaving my skin feeling cold where his fingers had been. He frowned. “I….”
I waited for his explanation. I watched his jaw tighten and his eyes grow distant. He wasn’t going to tell me.
“You bring up Reno as if making a mistake is a major sin. You make plenty of mistakes yourself, sweetheart,” he said. “Shall I list them for you? We could start right now, with you showing up to interview a witness when wearing tattered clothing and smelling like a barn.”
He was deflecting. I knew he was lashing out because I’d touched upon a subject he did not wish to discuss. But knowingand feeling were not the same. I knew this was when I needed to double down and strike back, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
This was not a successful manipulation. This was not a successful anything. This was a frustrating, confusing interaction, and I was done with it.
“Thank you for the drinks.” I rose from the table and left the tavern before the situation devolved further.
My lungs went leaden. My eyes burned. I refused to let Silas Huxley affect me.I would not cry.
Out in the night, standing on the side of the quiet street, I filled my lungs with fresh air. I started off in the direction of the hostel, wishing I had never agreed to go to the tavern. Better yet, I never should have told Ms. Aldea that I was connected to Silas in any way. Then she’d have scolded him for his nerve and thrown him out. I could have watched.Shouldhave watched as he learned nothing and I took advantage of the opportunity to get ahead.
“Lily.”
I flinched at my name on his lips. I didn’t turn around as I heard him running after me. Instead, I debated what insult I should hurl at him first—I could go for his intelligence, but like most men, what would hurt most would likely be insults about his manhood.
Before I could decide, he planted himself in front of me, his expression haunted with warring emotion.
He cupped my cheeks in his big, rough hands,and kissed me.
CHAPTER 13
In my relatively limited experience, kisses ranged from the sloppy slobberfest of an overly enthusiastic tongue-lasher to the stiff peck of an emotionless corpse. This kiss blew my kiss-o-meter out of the water, into the sky, and straight to the moon. If kisses were snack cakes, this cake would be a tower of the perfect bites of every moan-worthy flavor.
It was a great kiss. It was themint chocolate chipof kisses. It had me threading my fingers in the fabric of his shirt, pressing my body to his, hungry for more.
Warmth coiled through my core. My head was swimming. This was not what was supposed to happen between us. My body was a traitor. I relaxed my fingers and leaned my forehead on his chin to catch my breath. I was supposed to crush Silas, notcrush onhim. How dare he manipulate me like this?
I thrust my hands against his chest, shoving him away. “This game you’re playing isn’t funny.”
He crammed his hands into his pockets.
“It’s not a game, Lily.” His voice was rough, raw, sincere.
It was a lie. It had to be a lie.
Before he could say anything else, I hurried away. I could feel him watching me, but I refused to stop or look back. And this time, fortunately, he did not follow.
By the time I reached the hostel, my head was swimming with unwanted thoughts and feelings, transforming my pleasant alcoholic buzz into an unpleasant thrumming pulse. I climbed straight into my bunk and crashed onto the thin mattress—face first.
I wished Silas was anywhere but Inorog. I wished Imogen was here right now to distract me from my thoughts with her random musings and awkward smiles. I wished I was asleep. I closed my eyes and tried to focus my attention on the sensations around me—the stale smell of the sleep cubby, the sound of my roommates’ snores, the fatigue that seeped through every muscle to the bone.