My steps were off. I realized that as soon as I’d reached thirteen and couldn’t feel the corner of the wall. Dropping my head against the floor in defeat I re-traced where I’d been in my memory. I needed to move. I needed to get going. The boys knew not to come out until someone came to get them. They were just sitting there. Waiting for me while the house burned down around us. I had to move.
My steps were shorter, I finally realized. Shuffling along the floor wasn’t the same as walking and I just hadn’t gone far enough. God, I was tired. No, no I wasn’t. I was fine. I had to keep moving.
I pushed myself back up and kept going. A few more shuffles and I reached for where the wall should be. Still nothing. A few more. There. There it was.
I coughed and gagged as I dragged myself down the hallway, my movements feeling sluggish and slow. Seven steps. Add a few more. There was the doorframe. It was the first door on the left. I’d found it.
I reached up and felt for the door handle. It was cool.
I shuddered in relief. Oh, thank God.
Pushing it open, I hurried inside as fast as I could and slammed the door behind me.
The room was less smoky than the hallway had been, but something must have been wrong with the power, because the light switch didn’t turn on any lights. It was pitch black in the room, and even though the air was a little bit less smoky, I still couldn’t see anything.
Pulling myself to my feet using a bookshelf by the door, I laid my hand on the wall and took five steps forward. Bingo.
My hands fumbled as I ripped the picture off the wall hiding the keypad that would open the panic room.
Oh shit. Oh, fuck. No.
I couldn’t remember the code.
I couldn’t remember the goddamn code.
Tears ran down my face from frustration and panic as I searched my memory. I’d known it. It hadn’t changed since Trix and Cam had moved in. It was a date. A date or a number or a song that I should have remembered.
Think.
Think.
I knew it. I had to.
I just had to block everything out. This was just like that time when I’d gotten lost outside the clubhouse. I hadn’t been able to remember what direction I’d walked off in, and I’d had to sit down and retrace my steps in my mind. This was the same.
I sat down on the floor and made myself ignore the way that more smoke seemed to be seeping under the doorframe.
Cam had told me the code. He’d brought me into the room and he’d taken the photo down. Then he’d put my hand on the keypad. What had he said?
“Up, down, left, left, right, down, up, little sister. Feel that? Now say it back to me.”
Scrambling to my feet, I lifted my hand to chest level and felt for the keypad.
“Up, down, left, left, right, down, up,” I sang to myself the way I’d done the first time.
A green light flickered and the door came open with a click, making me sob.
“Aunt Lily?” Draco called, his words broken with coughing.
“I’m here,” I said, my voice barely audible. “I’m here, guys.”
“What’s happening?” Curtis asked, his little hands finding mine in the dark.
“The house is on fire,” I said quickly. “Come here.”
I felt four little hands grasping at my arms and almost fell to my knees in relief.
“Where’s Gray?” I asked, gripping their hands.
“He was right here,” Curtis said. “Gray?”
“Gray?”
A large boom shook the house and my breath stalled in my throat.
“Go to the window,” I barked, pushing them out of the panic room. “Don’t go to the door, just go to the window behind your dad’s desk. Go. Push out the screen and jump out.”
“But where’s Gray?” Draco said tearfully. “Gray?”
“I’ll get Gray,” I said, still shoving at them. “Go now.”
“We can’t just leave you,” Curtis snapped. “Gray? Come here, buddy!”
“Curtis,” I yelled, shoving him hard. “I said to fucking go!”
I heard the sound of pain he made, but I ignored it as I dropped to my knees.
“I can’t see,” Draco said. “Aunt Lily, I can’t see the window.”
“That’s because the curtains are closed,” I yelled, trying to sound reassuring and failing over the sounds of crashing coming from other parts of the house. “Four steps forward, guys, okay? Then you’ll feel the desk. Go around it and you’ll find the window.”
“Aunt Lily,” Curtis cried, his voice warbling.
“I’m right behind you. I swear. Go.”
It took a few seconds, but as soon as I saw moonlight coming in the window, I knew they’d found it. A rush of air whooshed in as they slid it open, but I was no longer paying attention. I was crawling inside the panic room on my hands and knees, searching for a tiny boy that was probably curled up somewhere, scared out of his mind.