“Please,” I answered with a nod.
“You’re covered in . . .” her words trailed off as she waved her hand in front of her face.
“Yeah, I’ll be back at it in a minute, didn’t see the use in cleanin’ off now,” I grumbled, making her laugh as she poured me a cup of coffee.
“Okay, I’ll leave you to it,” she said as she set the mug in front of me. She paused for a moment when Dragon reached out, and I looked away as he used her hair to slowly pull her forward and kiss her goodbye.
“You can look back now,” Dragon said in amusement after Brenna had left the room.
“Just givin’ you some privacy.”
“Don’t need privacy to kiss my woman,” he said, taking a drink of his coffee. “How’s the suit’s daughter workin’ out?”
“Her name’s Molly,” I ground out. Swear to Christ, they never said her name, even though I’d been with her for almost two months.
“Molly, then,” he conceded with a nod.
“Good.”
“You gonna bring her around?”
“I’ll get around to it,” I mumbled, scratching at the shit in my beard.
“So it’s just temporary, then.” He nodded like he understood.
“No, it’s not.” I stopped scratching at my beard and took a drink of my coffee. “Just haven’t had time to bring her around.”
“Yeah, you’ve been flyin’ out of here like somethin’s chasin’ ya every night. What’s goin’ on with that?”
“Is there a problem?” I asked seriously, turning to face him. “Didn’t know it was a requirement to spend all my time here.”
“See,” Dragon said darkly, setting his mug down. “That’s what concerns me. Couple months ago, you were happy as hell to hang out with your brothers, but lately you wanna be anywhere but here. If there’s a problem, need to know about it.”
“There’s no problem,” I snapped, getting to my feet.
“Sit your ass down,” Dragon growled, glaring until I followed the order. “You got a woman that’s pullin’ you from the club, that’s somethin’ that needs to be fuckin’ dealt with.”
“I do my part,” I ground out. “I do everything you fuckin’ ask.”
“I don’t need some fuckin’ mindless soldier following orders,” he barked, reaching out to cuff the side of my head. “My boys are fuckin’ loyal, they work for the club because they goddamn love it and they get what they put in. So where the fuck has your head been?”
“It’s here.”
“Nah, kid. It’s not.”
I grit my teeth against the urge to tell him to fuck off. I pitched in more than anyone. I never bitched about the shit that no one else wanted to do and I got stuck with. Rocky had been fucking Mel for as long as I’d been with Molly, but he hadn’t brought her to the club, either. Was he sitting next to me getting bitched out? Of course not.
It all came back to the bullshit I’d pulled back when I was juicing. I’d never get out from under that fucking umbrella. I’d taken steroids for less than six months, and in that time I’d fucked up so bad that I was pretty sure no one in the club was going to trust me again.
And the worst part? I didn’t blame them.
They’d forgiven me, sure as shit, but they’d never forget. None of us would ever forget.
The guilt of that kept me up at night. It burned in my belly when everything was quiet and I had time to think, especially now that I was with Molly. Her presence seemed to drag all of the old shit up. I wasn’t sure if it was because she’d been my nurse that night, or because I was fucking terrified that something was going to happen to her and Reb because of me.
I’d put the Aces on some pussy college kids’ radar when I’d started buying off them, and I’d pissed them off when I wouldn’t agree to sell their shit. I’d had no idea that one of them had been trying to make friends with Dragon’s daughter, Trix, in order to get in with us a different way, and had lost patience when she didn’t want anything to do with him. There’d been no way for me to know that they’d go off the rails and shoot up our family barbeque.
It had been a snowball effect, sure, but all that shit had started with me. I’d made the first move and four of our people were dead because of it. My baby brother was dead because of it.
That’s why I took the shit jobs, why I always offered to go on the long runs, why I took the risky meets. I was paying my penance, and fuck Dragon for saying that my head wasn’t in it.
“I’m here,” I said, lifting my hands palm up. “I do what needs to be done.”
“You good for a run up to Montana, then?” Dragon asked, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket. “Need to meet with some boys up there about the Russians. Looks like the idiots are trying to get permission to run their shit through to Canada. We need to make sure that’s not a possibility.”