As the show went on, I found that I was physically uncomfortable.When I tried to move to the other end of the sofa, Chris halted my progress.He lifted my body, so I ended up lying on his stomach with my arms folded under my face while he served as my human-sized pillow.My head rested on his chest, so I could feel his heart beat and his breathing patterns, which were fairly normal.It was not until I shifted that I could feel his semi-erection turned to steel.
After we finished watching the episode, Chris clicked the television off and said, almost absent-mindedly, “I love this one.”
“Why?”I asked because he seemed so sincere.
“Mostly because Jon was killed and betrayed by the very ones he’d sworn to protect.Things happened beyond his control, he made a decision, and they killed him.He rose from the grave after their treachery and did as his father taught him, looked his accusers in the eye, and enacted vengeance.Then, he took off his coat and dropped the mic and walked out.Classic shit.”Chris’ voice was slightly higher as he discussed the scene.“The man said,his watch had ended.”
My chin rested on his chest as I listened to the excitement in his voice.
“For me, it reminds me of some shit in my life.Even moving back to Philadelphia.”He looked down at me.“The power of releasing toxic people.Recognizing who in your life is not for you and not holding everybody responsible for their fuck ups.They got me wrong and life, so fuck them.I owe no man nothing.Jon’s walking away was epic.Moving on with his life, despite their treachery.”
Why tears chose that time to come to my eyes, made me utterly mad.I knew why they came.It was because Chris was talking about me and he had not one clue.I was Jon, I was betrayed, but I was still allowing my lot in life to provide the definition for me.Jon left the wall and I hadn’t.Even Chris left Philly for a time and man, did I think I could marry him one day.
“Tell me more,” I said as I buried my face in his chest and blinked the tears away.
“There is also Varys, who is one lethal mother…” I wasn’t sure what else Chris said as my thoughts wandered to Jon and even the group therapy session.
Things that I refused to deal with started to surface and eventually, I think I passed out on top of Chris with my mind jumbled with next steps.
Well, I did.
The next morning, I rose in a shocked ‘where the hell am I’panic.I was met with a wide-eyed Chris, who sported a bare, chiseled chest, wild hair and leaning against his headboard.I looked down to see I had on an over-sized t-shirt and nothing else besides panties.
“What?Wh…” I started.
“Calm down Camila,” Chris smiled.“You’re at my apartment.You fell asleep on the couch, I removed your clothes, put you in my shirt and that was all.Scouts Honor.”
He held up his hand with a twist of his fingers.I was almost certain that was not what the scouts did to show their honor, but I got his point.Nothing seemed amiss, physically.
“Oh.”I kept moving my head around.“I need to go to the restroom.”
“Sure, it’s over there.”Chris pointed to the right of his large bedroom.
This never happened.I always woke up early, left to do my walk of fame but this… I was in new territory.
My breathing struggled to normalize as I took deep breaths like Jonathan had taught me.He said that we needed to think with clear heads and focus on our breathing before making any rash decisions.I sat on the toilet, with both hands on the stall and feet flat on the floor and counted to twenty-five out loud.Jonathan always tried to get us to do this toclearour minds.All I kept thinking about was spending the night with a man who I had absolutely no sex with and on top of that, fell asleep in his arms.Fuck romantic, it was a goddamn nightmare.
The calming strategy wasn't working.I was about to freak the hell out in Chris’ bathroom.I needed to get home now.
Suddenly, I felt stupid for mocking the counselor during all those times because I needed to calm down before I lost all of my shit.Then, I repeated the previous steps but this time I counted to fifty in my head.Jonathan would say this was the second step to calming down and sure enough after I thought the last number, my breathing was normal again.
After relieving myself and washing my hands, I rushed out the door, so that I could make my getaway.However, the coast seemed oddly clear because Chris was not in the bedroom.On top of that, my clothes were folded on the bed with my shoes on the floor as if they were waiting for me.
It felt like a trap, but I didn't think too hard about it as I quickly dressed and headed down the hallway, just to be hit with the aroma of strong coffee and bacon.
Oh hell!
My pace slowed as I peered into the kitchen window to see Chris’ back was turned and he was over the stove.
"Morning," he called out to me."I've got breakfast ready or you can take your exit if you want."
Goddammit.
I stood there for a good three minutes before I moved or said anything.All sorts of thoughts assaulted my mind at the same time.He was testing me by giving me a way out.The question was what was I going to do?What I normally did right?
Why didn't I know anymore?
Fuck!