When we got to the clubhouse, there weren’t many people there, which seemed to seriously bum Cam out.
“Wanna go to my parents’?” he asked as he glanced around the room. “Think Poet and Amy were headed over there today.”
My body locked up and it took me a minute to answer him.
I hadn’t been back to Casper and Farrah’s house since the shooting, and a month before, I would have said that I’d never set foot on their property again. But Cam was looking at me with so much hope on his face, I couldn’t tell him no.
Casper, Farrah and the girls had been living at home and dealing with all the bad memories on a daily basis since Lily had been released from the hospital. I could go for a few hours.
I was slowly learning that the things I’d thought would break me were smaller than I’d made them in my head. I had to just push through them.
“Sure, baby,” I finally said with a small smile. “Wanna take my car?”
Cam’s breath left him in a relieved whoosh and he grinned back at me. “Gonna have to—no way you’re fittin’ on the back of my bike.”
* * *
The drive to Cam’s parents was hard. I felt completely on edge, even though Cam held my hand the entire way, rubbing my palm soothingly with his thumb.
“Want you to know, I’m not gonna be some controlling asshole,” he said abruptly, pulling me out of my memories.
“What?” I asked in confusion.
“I like control,” he started, making me snort. “I like it, because when I know where you’re at—what you’re doin’—I know you’re safe. I know how to get to you if you’re not safe.”
“I’m not going to put me or the boys in danger,” I retorted, turning to look at him.
“I know you won’t,” he said, lifting my hand to his mouth to kiss it. “But my mom didn’t, either—you know? She was just… sleepin.’ That’s all it took, just sleepin’ in the house with the kids, and it was all over. I got home to…nothin.’ It was all gone.”
“I’m not your mom, Cam.”
“I know you’re not, and I’m sure as fuck not my dad.” He squeezed my hand and rested it on his thigh. “But not knowin’ where you and the boys are when you’re not with me? The thought of that makes me fuckin’ crazy.”
“I don’t—”
“Baby, I’m not gonna boss you around, all right? Shit, that ain’t true—” I laughed at his disgruntled expression. “If there’s shit happenin’ at the club, and I need you to be safe—I’ll sure as shit boss you around. But otherwise? I just need to know that you’re okay.”
“Okay,” I said, squeezing his hand.
“Okay? You’re not gonna fight with me?”
“Cam, I grew up with my pop,” I replied flatly. “I know what I’m getting into. I mean, I don’t want to be my mom, just so we’re clear. I want to work and have a life separate from the Aces, but I’m not going to bitch that you need to know I’m safe. The life we have isn’t exactly easy, especially on you.”
“Well, shit,” Cam said softly, making me smile.
“We’ll figure it out,” I murmured, leaning back in my seat as we turned down Casper and Farrah’s long gravel driveway.
“You and me, Sweetbea.” Cam reached out and rested his hand on my belly. “And our boys.”
“Finally,” I sighed.
* * *
“What is this?” Gramps teased as Cam and I walked into Farrah and Casper’s. “Finally got yer shit together, eh?”
“Yeah, yeah,” I mumbled back, leaning in to give the old man a hug.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Nan said, grabbing me as soon as I’d let go of Gramps. “All good?” she whispered in my ear.
“All good,” I whispered back.
“Hey, you want a beer, boy?” Casper asked, getting to his feet across the living room. “Trix, good to see ya.”
“No thanks. I’m drivin’.”
“You can’t have one beer?” Farrah asked, walking into the room.
My entire body locked up as she came closer. I’d only seen Farrah a couple of times since Cam and I had our fallout, and she’d been cool toward me both times. Not hostile, really. More like she acted as if I wasn’t worth her time.
I didn’t blame her, but it had still hurt my feelings.
“Got precious cargo,” Cam muttered, stepping forward to give Farrah a hug. “Where are the girls?”
“Up watching a movie in CeeCee’s room,” Farrah grimaced. “Lil’s listening. She picked a musical.” She gave us a tight smile, and I suddenly wanted to pull her into my arms.
“You’re huge,” she said suddenly, glancing down at my belly. “Holy shit, man. You’re going to be massive by the time those boys come out.”
Cam scowled, but I couldn’t help the laughter that spilled out of my mouth.
“I know, right?” I gasped, looking down at Farrah’s normal sized bump. “You obviously have only one.”