‘I really hope you find happiness, Cole.’
He nodded, wondering how he’d ever manage to do that without her in his life. There was nothing he could say. He felt numb.
He swallowed and forced his tongue to form a series of words. ‘I still think you’re pretty amazing, Lex.’
‘I know you do. You like me and you want me, but you don’t trust yourself to love me the way I love you.’
What?
‘You love me?’ he croaked.
She held his eyes and nodded. ‘Yes, of course I do. I love you enough to let you go and I love myself enough to demand more.’
Lex turned away and stepped back, closing the door in his face. He bit his lip to stop himself from calling out to her, from pounding on her door, and forced his feet to head in the direction of his car. He couldn’t trust himself, couldn’t take the chance...
Couldn’t hurt her more than he was already doing.
Lex was out of his life, just as he’d planned.
He never thought that losing her would hurt this much.
Lex and Addi sat at a wooden table overlooking the quaint fishing harbour of Hout Bay, newspaper-wrapped fish and chips in front of them. Addi’s iced tea was half-finished and Lex hadn’t touched hers. Neither had she managed to lift any food to her mouth.
She could cope intellectually with the notion of Cole not wanting a relationship with her, and accepted that tears were part of her immediate future, although hopefully she’d be done crying by the time the girls returned in a week. But she strongly objected to losing her appetite.
That was a step too far.
Addi broke off a piece of fish, lifted it to her mouth and groaned. ‘Man, this is still the best place to eat fresh fish.’
‘If you say so,’ Lex replied, watching a fishing trawler trundle into port accompanied by a flock of squawking seagulls. The trawler’s once-bright hull had faded to a washed-out blue and Lex sympathised. ‘Washed out’ was a perfect way to describe how she felt.
Not having Cole in her life—the man wasn’t even in the country!—had sucked the colour from the world. Sounds felt muffled, everything she put in her mouth tasted like cardboard and her touch was either dulled or her nerve endings felt over-sensitised. And, because she was constantly blinking back tears, her eyesight wasn’t operating in tip-top condition either. She was leaving out a sense and didn’t have the mental energy to work out which it was.
‘Have you heard from him?’ Addi asked.
Lex stared at the fisherman who was wrestling a thick rope around a piling. ‘No.’
‘Nothing at all?’ Addi demanded.
‘We had an affair. It’s over and done with.’
Addi dragged a chip through a pile of tomato sauce. ‘Please tell me you used contraception, Lex.’
Lex glared at her. ‘I think I learned that lesson from Joelle, Addi. I think wealllearned that lesson.’
Addi nodded. ‘Fair enough.’ Addi popped a piece of fish into her mouth before speaking again. ‘Jude Fisher offered me a job, with a huge pay rise.’
It took a couple of moments for her words to sink in, for them to make sense. If she understood Addi correctly, then they could stop worrying about money and how they were going to pay the bills when Cole sold off the hospitality sector of Thorpe Industries. Her heart might be broken but at least they didn’t have to worry about how to feed, clothe and educate two growing girls.
Lex pulled up a smile. ‘That’s great, Ads, congratulations.’
Addi pushed her half-eaten portion of food away and twisted her silver ring round and round her finger. Despite having good news, she still looked worried and anxious. Nothing had ever been gained by avoiding a situation, so Lex gathered her courage, pushed her fist into her sternum and met Addi’s eyes.
‘What’s wrong, Addison?’
‘I’m just worried about you. I’ve never seen you so heartbroken.’
Lex wanted to object, to insist that she wasn’t heartbroken, but the man she loved didn’t love her so, yes, she supposed she was. It was horrible and heart-breaking knowing the person you wanted above everyone else didn’t want you.