Don’t yell, Lex.
As she knew from Joelle, losing one’s temper lessened the impact of the message.
Lex dropped her arms and jabbed a finger into Cole’s chest. ‘You asked me to go to France with you, you told me to step out of my comfort zone and you encouraged me to be adventurous,’ Lex reminded him, her voice sounding brittle. Tears had started to gather in her throat, but she’d be damned if she’d let him see them. He didn’t deserve anything but cold fury.
‘We’ve spent the past few days exchanging text messages about what we’d do in Paris, in London, how you wanted to take me wine-tasting in the Pouilly-Fuissé region. Give me a reason for blowing me off, Cole, when I took the huge leap of trusting you, of stepping outside my comfort zone.’
Whatever his reason for cancelling the trip, it was more important than her. She wasn’t, in any way, his priority.
‘I told you that I’ve been disappointed by many people in many ways, but I never expected yours to be a name I added to that list.’
Lex didn’t drop her eyes from his, and she clocked his regret, but couldn’t ignore his determined expression. There would be no talking him out of this, no room for manoeuvre.
It was over. They were done.
All that was left was to say the words and make it official.
Lex’s belly twisted into a complicated knot and she felt as if she couldn’t pull enough air into her lungs. Another person she loved and adored was about to walk away from her again. Really, she should be used to it by now.
For the first time ever, he didn’t know what to say, how to end this. He knew he should tell her that they had no future, but he couldn’t make his tongue form the words. ‘Lex... I...’
She met his eyes and within those fathomless green depths he saw pain, but also pride. ‘You don’t need to strain yourself to find the right words, Cole.’
How could he tell her, in the nicest way possible, that this was about him and not her? ‘I really do have to go to Thailand,’ he told her, wondering if he should just bite the bullet and tell her that he was going to see Sam.
No, he needed to do this alone, to handle this himself. He’d been dealing with the fallout from his family on his own his entire life. If this was the last time he would speak to his brother, and it sounded as if it might be, then he wanted to finish as he’d started—by himself.
Besides, if he let Lex into his thoughts and heart again, he might not have the courage to let her go when they returned. Until he sabotaged their relationship down the line, when he would hurt her far more than he would now.
Admittedly, judging by the pain in her eyes, he was currently doing a great job.
He wanted to howl and beat his fists, but Lex looked dignified and aloof. She glanced at her front door, a silent gesture for him to leave, but he didn’t know if he could. Doubt washed over him and he found himself backtracking. ‘I need to return in about six weeks.’
She nodded enthusiastically, faking her excitement. ‘Yes, sure, of course, I’ll meet up with you again! I’ll just come running when you call, okay?’ she retorted, sarcastic condemnation in her voice.
‘Why would I ever give you another chance to disappoint me again, Cole? Another chance to make promises and plans which you’ll break with a flimsy excuse?’ she demanded. ‘Do you really expect me to fall back into line, thrilled to be in the sexy billionaire’s bed again?’
Disdain coated her words and Cole felt two feet tall.
‘I can’t figure out a way for it to work, Lex,’ he told her, sounding a little desperate.
‘Of course it can’t work, Cole, because I would be expected to do all the work. For us to keep seeing each other, I’d have to agree to wait around for you until you could return to Cape Town for a flying visit or until I could carve out time away from work, my studies and the girls.’ Her expression was a curious combination of sadness and ferocity. ‘And that’s assuming that you can make a commitment to me, which I don’t think you can. Or even want to.’
He could,today. He just didn’t know how he’d feel in three months, in six. Would he still be crazy about her, or would he be looking for the nearest exit?
She fiddled with the hem of her jacket. ‘Look, even if we decided to try the long-distance thing, I’d quickly run out of patience with that sort of set-up,’ she told him. ‘I am aware that my circumstances are challenging, that I have more responsibilities than the average woman in her late twenties. But the thing is, Cole, after dealing with a couple of hard knocks I have this crazy notion that I deserve some happy.’
‘Of course you do,’ he agreed.
‘When the time comes for Nixi and Snow to date, I want to teach them not to settle for just anyone, that they are worthy of being more than an option, that they need to insist on being a choice. And I’ve got to practise what I preach. I need to be yourchoice. I won’t be an option.’
She was asking for more than he could give her. ‘I’m not good at long-term relationships, Lex.’
‘So you say, Cole.’ She shrugged, trying for casualness but missing it by a mile. ‘But I’m prepared to wait for someone who is, someone who can give me everything I need: love, emotional security, to put me and my needs first. To be his priority. If that guy isn’t you, and it obviously isn’t, then I’ll wait.’
His entire body rebelled at the idea of her with someone else. It felt as though an earthquake were rolling through him. He couldn’t give her what she needed but letting her leave his life was harder than he’d thought.
‘I think we are done here,’ Lex gestured for him to leave. In a fog of confusion and regret, of hurt and relief, Cole walked onto her front step and turned to face her. She looked remote but impossibly lovely.