Grenville was dead and, no matter how many times he told himself that he was an idiot for wanting something impossible or unachievable, it didn’t stop his heart from yearning for it.
And, maybe, he thought that if he hadn’t been worthy of Grenville’s love then he wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love and couldn’t trust it when he was offered it. Consciously or subconsciously, he might even have decided that, not having been able to interact with his father or have his love, then he’dbecomeGrenville—cold, unemotional and soulless—to protect himself against future hurts.
It all sounded a bit weird, a lot crazy, but the truth was that his relationship, or non-relationship, with his father had affected and coloured his relationships with women. It would do the same with Lex.
He had an unhealed wound but that didn’t mean that he should create wounds in other people’s souls.
No, it was better to walk away now, while their feelings could be harnessed, corralled. It would hurt a little, more than likely a lot, but he was trying to protect her, trying to do the right thing.
That had to count for something, hadn’t it? Then why couldn’t he make his hand reach for the door and get his body to leave the car?
CHAPTER TWELVE
THEMOMENTSHEwrenched open her front door and saw Cole’s hard face, Lex knew she wasn’t going to Paris.
Or anywhere.
Despite her heart dropping to her toes, she couldn’t help thinking that he looked amazing, taking in his black suit trousers and light-grey jacket, which he wore over a V-necked pale-green jersey. He hadn’t shaved for a couple of days and his beard was at the length she loved most, long enough to feel soft, short enough still to be considered stubble.
Lex fought the impulse to throw herself into his arms, to stand on her toes and lift her mouth to his, but his remote expression had her holding back, her hand still on the knob of her front door. She stepped back and gestured for him to come inside, hearing her thunderous heartbeat in her ears.
Please don’t disappoint me, Cole. Please don’t say the words hovering on your lips.
‘Come on in,’ she invited.
Cole stepped into the tiny hallway and she saw the heat in his eyes as he took in her bright outfit and her straight hair. He opened his mouth to say something. Was he about to compliment her? Did he like the way she looked? But then he snapped it closed. He jammed his hands into the pockets of his trousers and rocked on his heels.
Right, so he wasn’t going to kiss her. Not a good sign.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked, folding her arms and digging the tips of her shaking fingers into her ribs.
Cole rubbed a hand over his lower jaw. ‘Just tired. It’s been a long week.’
She waited for him to elaborate, but he looked away from her to examine the many photographs hanging on the wall. The biggest one, dead centre, was a photograph of the five sisters laughing. She couldn’t remember when it had been taken, or by whom, but it captured all the love they shared, the enjoyment they had in each other’s company. Cole looked at that photograph for a long time before shaking his head and closing his eyes.
Tired of waiting for him to speak, and needing an explanation before she exploded, Lex spoke. ‘The weekend is off, isn’t it? You’re cancelling on me, aren’t you?’
He met her eyes. His were a muddy brown instead of their normal topaz, and eventually he nodded. ‘Yes.’
She’d expected his answer, had braced herself for it, yet she was still shocked when he confirmed what she suspected. ‘Is there a reason?’ she asked, forcing the words through her teeth.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Addi coming down the stairs and waved her away. This was between Cole and her.
‘I need to go to Thailand,’ he told her.
Pulling words out of him was like pulling dinosaur teeth out of stone. Where was the laughing man who’d beaten her at Scrabble, the warm-eyed guy who’d brought her hot coffee and kissed her shoulder and neck as she’d waited for the caffeine to kick in? Where had he gone?
‘Okay, so I’ll come with you to Thailand.’ Overseas was overseas, after all.
‘Sorry, no.’
Ah, so Cole didn’t want her going anywhere with him. Message received.
Her lips pressed together so tightly, she didn’t think any blood could reach them and her shoulders were close to her ears. She could visualise her heart shrinking, becoming smaller with each breath she took, and a cold hand held her stomach in a vice-like grip.
Oh, hello disappointment, my old friend. You haven’t changed at all.
But she had. She wasn’t the timid little girl who’d taken life’s punches on the chin, who’d fallen down and then scuttled away. She was stronger, better, older, damn it. Anger, hot and wild, coursed through her system and Lex felt the pressure build up in her head. His behaviour wasn’t acceptable. Not now. Not ever.