The thought had sort of drifted in from nowhere. Maybe it was being back in this place and seeing so many familiar faces all drinking and dancing that was stirring up old memories. Or maybe it was Indy who was nudging him to get some closure with his past. He needed to get out of here and get some air.
But as he turned to go, Indy caught his arm. “Dance with me. Just one dance. We can stand in the corner and sway together if you don’t know the steps. I just want to be in your arms.”
She looked up at him, her eyes wide and shining with that deep affection that he knew was that emotion...the L-word. The one he didn’t believe in and certainly didn’t want to see on her face. The one that should have been the impetus for him to turn on his heel and walk away but instead he just nodded.
He wouldn’t deny her tonight. She wanted to be in his arms, and he wanted her there. The music was that old standard a bit later than the 1920s “The Very Thought of You,” and he pulled her into his arms without thinking of the consequences.
He should have stuck to his guns that day at the mansion; he had known it then, and tonight it was confirmed. He wasn’t going to indulge himself and his emotions. He knew how dangerous that could be and he had to end this.
But not tonight, as Indy was in his arms, singing off-key and messing up the lyrics while her hand stroked along with the drumbeat at the back of his neck. He held her closer and knew that he might have never believed in this kind of relationship, but the truth was, he’d feared it. Had remembered the closeness of his parents, the way his grandfather had been so cold and angry after Conrad’s grandmother’s death.
He’d never wanted to admit he had anything in common with the old man, but had his grandfather kept everyone at arm’s length to protect them? Fuck. He really didn’t like the path his thoughts were taking. But his gut told him that walking away from Indy was going to be the only way he could keep from following that path that led to anger. Anger had always been the emotion that had ruled him and essentially driven his success. He felt himself falling for her. He’d never let himself be this open or vulnerable to another person, and he was afraid that he’d turn into a true beast if he lost her. Nothing could ever fill the emptiness he felt at the thought of not having Indy by his side and in his arms.
The stars looked close enough to touch as Conrad held her hand and walked her home. “The speakeasy was a big hit. Don’t you think?”
“Yeah. Everyone seemed to like it,” he said.
She glanced over at him; she was a bit tipsy, but not too much. “Not your scene?”
“Not really.”
She could see that. He wasn’t someone for going out. “It’s funny that you’ve always been in the spotlight but hate it so much.”
“I don’t think that’s funny at all. It’s probably because I’ve always been in it that I don’t like it.”
“True. So why become a TV chef?”
“I didn’t mean to. My producer and partner in the restaurant suggested it after I stepped back from being there full-time. It just sort of happened,” he said.
“You are so not a sort-of-happened kind of man,” she said.
“You’re right. I might hate the spotlight, but I also hate the idea of not being in it,” he admitted. “I’m sure you’re not shocked that I have a huge ego.”
She shook her head. “I’m not, but you’re not a humblebrag kind of guy. I think you like success and the kudos that come with it, but is it that you are trying to prove something to yourself...or your grandfather?”
When she’d been dancing with Dash, he’d mentioned that he had rarely enjoyed being in Gilbert Corners, which had added to what Conrad had said about their grandfather. She was glad she’d never met him; he sounded like he must have been difficult.
“Yeah.”
That was probably as much of an answer as he was going to give, and she wasn’t going to push him for more. Not tonight. Not when the stars were bright and she had Conrad by her side.
She knew she was falling for him. It had been there all the time, but she’d ignored it until tonight when he’d taken her hand and pulled her to his side. She hadn’t realized that she’d been searching for—someone to walk by her side. Someone who she could trust enough to be this public with and this intimate with.
But now that she knew it, she couldn’t go back from it.
“I saw you talking to Nola.”
“She wants to provide coffee and snacks for the TV crew when we come to town, and also doesn’t want you to get hurt.”
“No one can hurt me,” she said.
“Good.”
But she knew that wasn’t true. She could hurt herself by seeing something in Conrad that might not be there. It was one thing to tell herself that he was starting to come out of his thorny cave, but it was something else for him to do it. Was she actually seeing glimpses of the real man, or was she just making any small gesture seem like it?
Who was he really?
She knew he wasn’t a man who liked to fail. Was that why he was here with her? He knew he had nothing to worry about in the kitchen when it came to her. But maybe her challenging him at the mansion had made him want to prove something.