Food had been the only thing that he could use to distract himself from Indy.
He didn’t cook with anyone. But because there were words he knew he couldn’t say and emotions he was struggling to show her, cooking for her was the safest way for him to be his authentic self. He wanted her to see him here where he felt the most comfortable in his skin. He was pretty much a nightmare to work for in the kitchen because he had exacting standards, but he wanted to show her how to cook. Wanted to extend that feeling he’d had in the library when he’d held her in his arms and thought about her naked body under his.
He showed her how to measure the flour and make a well for it on the bench and then did the same for his own pasta. They wouldn’t be able to eat this much pasta on their own, but he’d give the rest to Jenkins the groundskeeper.
“Next, crack an egg in the middle of the well.”
He did it with one hand and turned toward her as he heard her tapping the egg on the side of the counter three times. Then she broke it and poured it into the center. He took the shells from her and tossed them in the sink without looking back.
“Now it’s time to get messy. Use your fingers to incorporate the egg and flour.”
She started to do it; as the flour and egg got caked on her fingers, he saw her struggle. He moved to stand behind her, before putting his arms around her. He took her hand in his and showed her the right motion. She smelled like summer flowers, distracting him. Her body fit perfectly in the cradle of his. He felt himself hardening. He let his erection brush against her, her hips rubbed against him. His reaction was to get even harder.
He knew she’d been scared by a man, knew that was part of it, but also, he was beginning to think maybe he was punishing himself by putting her off limits. He leaned down and brushed his mouth against her neck. The scent of flowers was stronger here. She turned her hand under his, their fingers meshing together on the table as she rolled her head and looked up at him.
Their eyes met and he realized he’d held off as long as he could. He wanted her. He wanted more than cooking or trying to slowly seduce her. He wasn’t a slow seduction sort of man. “Do you want this?”
She nodded.
But he needed to hear her say it. He wasn’t going to guess at anything with Indy. She meant too much for him to fuck this up now.
“Yes?”
“Yes,” she said.
He lifted her up on the counter and stepped between her legs, spreading them as he did so. He put his hands on the sides of her waist and pulled her forward so that her legs were on either side of his torso. They were eye level like this. She rested her forehead against his and he felt the exhalation of her breath against his mouth and then the touch of her tongue over his lips.
He hardened even more as he took the kiss he’d wanted all day. It was long and deep, intimate, and left no place for either one of them to hide. Her hands moved up his back and he felt one hand in his hair as she shifted forward, wrapping her thigh around his hips trying to get closer to him.
He put one hand behind her on the butcher-block counter and lifted himself up so that he could rub his erection against her center. He lifted his head, realizing he needed more room. He wanted her naked and spread out under him.
“Wrap your legs around me,” he said. His voice sounded rough and guttural to his own ears.
She did as he asked, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as well. He turned them and carried her up the stairs to the bedroom she’d put her bag in earlier. She caressed his shoulders as he carried her, and when they were in the room, he set her on her feet and closed the door behind them. He toed off his shoes and reached for her, then pulled her back into his arms.
She went eagerly, her hands going to the buttons of his shirt and undoing them; her fingers brushed against his chest with each button she undid. He let her finish unbuttoning his shirt and then shrugged out of it. He felt her fingers moving over his body. He knew that the tattoos might visually cover it, but with her touch she’d feel the roughness of his scarred body.
He stood still. Normally when he fucked, he did it with his clothes on and standing up, keeping as much of himself hidden from his partner. Making sex into a need instead of a want. But he wanted Indy’s bare body against his naked skin. He didn’t want to keep anything hidden.
He wanted to explore all of her and he hadn’t thought about how intimate it would be for her to explore him.
Her fingers followed the patterns on his skin, and then she leaned forward and he felt her mouth on his neck. She dropped small kisses all down the column of his neck to his chest. Moving across the front and then under his arm around to his back. Where the worst of the damage was. The nerves of his lower back were shot, and he was numb there, but he almost felt her touch.
She came back around and looked up at him. What he saw in her eyes, he didn’t want to hear spoken out loud. So, he lifted her in his arms again, bringing his mouth down hard on hers. Kissing her so deeply that she couldn’t think, just feel. Feel him against her. He put her down on the side of the four-poster bed.
He started to come down on top of her, but she scooted back, and he realized she wasn’t ready for that. So he undid his pants and then sat down on the bed, with his back resting on the backboard.
“Come sit on my lap,” he said.
She nodded and moved forward straddling him. “I’m sorr—”
“Don’t. There’s no need for that between the two of us,” he said to her.
Words weren’t going to fix either one of them. But maybe sex could. Maybe sex would give them both what they needed. And maybe he would be free of this obsession with her.
Eleven
Nerves and desire warred within her. It was impossible to see Conrad’s tattoo-covered body and think of anything other than being in his arms and feeling him inside of her. The top half of his body was heavily muscled; his strength enticed her like nothing else had. The intricate pattern of thorny branches encased him the way she wanted to with her body. She leaned forward, tracing her fingers over the pattern, acutely aware of his thick erection between her legs.