“I lost six fucking years of his life, Christine. All because of you. Now you’re saying I still need to be patient? How could you keep my son away from me for so long?”
Her mouth opens in surprise for a few seconds before she shuts it and her expression turns steely.
“I’m his mother. I had every right to do what I did, and I did it all in the best interest of my child.”
I laugh coldly. “In the best interest of your child? You hid him away from a part of his family. Took him to goddamn LA where you eventually lost your job and had to move back here. I could have given him a stable life.”
“Are you insulting my parenting?”
“No, I’m saying you’re so fucking proud. You think you’re perfect? You’re human too, Christine, and everybody needs someone.”
“I had my parents and Tia,” she says stubbornly.
“Well, you could have had me. His father. What did you think was going to happen if you told me the truth? I would tell you to fuck off? To get rid of it?” I ask harshly.
She shakes her head. “I knew you would have taken care of me without question back then. But I couldn’t be the reason your family had even more problems.”
My fists clench.
“It’smyfamily. I would have taken care of it.”
“Really? Because I would really like to know how you’re planning on explaining all this to Matt. Accepting that he’s your son is the easy part. I’m not sure you’re ready for whatever comes next.”
“That’s for me to decide,” I tell her.
But she’s right. How the fuck am I going to tell Matt that I impregnated his ex-girlfriend and that she has a child with me?
“This is so fucked up and so complicated,” I say, running a hand through my hair.
Christine sighs. “I’m sorry, Michael,” she says softly.
“You won’t even let me see him.”
“I will. As soon as I can be sure you’re doing this for the right reasons. And that letting you into his life wouldn’t be a mistake,” she assures me.
“What do you mean, right reasons?” I question.
“I mean you have to want this for you, Michael. Because the thought of having a child excites you. You want to meet him because you want to know who he is and be his friend. Not because of duty or honor or any other thing running through your mind right now.”
She’s really great at calling me out. It’s annoying.
“I do want to meet him and get to know him.”
“Why? Do you think you could be a good father? It’s a question every parent usually asks themselves. Have you asked yourself that?”
“I know I could be a good father,” I say self-assuredly.
She shakes her head, and the action causes her ponytail to swish behind her.
“Parenting goes beyond money and the ability to provide him with everything he wants. You have to be emotionally available. You have to care about him.”
“I do,” I say, getting offended.
“Not by default.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Figure it out, Mike. I promise you’ll get to meet Noah soon.”