He stares at me for a moment, and then he shakes his head slightly as he tears his gaze off me. Even when I told him we should end things, it didn’t feel as final as it does right now. What have I done?
I’m shaking as I walk toward him, desperation dictating my every move. I’m willing to lose every part of myself, but not if that means I lose him, too.
I pause in front of him, and Luca looks down at me, his expression unreadable. It’s been so long since I stood in front of him without him instantly pulling me into his arms, and it hurts. It kills me to know that I did this to us.
“Forgive me,” I whisper. My eyes fill with tears, and I ball my hands into fists, my nails digging into my skin roughly. “Please forgive me, Luca. I didn’t mean a thing I said. And I—”
It only takes him a split second to pull me into his arms, and the moment he wraps me in his embrace, I burst into tears. A soft sob tears through my throat despite my best attempts to choke it back, and Luca tightens his grip on me.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” he tells me, his words rushed, as though he can’t bear to hear me cry. “Nothing at all, baby.”
I bury my face against his chest and hold on to him tightly, never wanting to let go again.
“I-I’m so s-sorry,” I cry. “I wasn’t thinking clearly, and all of my thoughts just kept spiraling, and it just kept getting worse. I convinced myself that you didn’t truly love me and that you could never want me.” My words tumble out in a rush, and I try my hardest to justbreathe. “Then I started to think that you were better off without m-me, and maybe that’s true, but Luca… I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can let you go. Even if you deserve better, even if I’m not right for you, even if I’ve hurt you. I… I can’t.”
He grabs my shoulders and pulls away a little to look at me, his gaze searching. I’ve never seen insecurity in Luca’s eyes before, but that’s exactly what’s staring back at me. “Even if I’m penniless? Even if I’m the reason we lost our home and our jobs?” His voice is soft, a slight tremor to it.
“Even more so then,” I tell him. “I just needyou, Luca. If anything, I felt like all of that was standing between us, like we could never be true equals because I could never measure up. I felt like I constantly had to prove myself, like you might leave me if I was no longer useful to you.”
He cups my face, his gaze distressed. “How could you ever think that? I love you more than anything, Valentina. I know that I initially proposed a transactional marriage, but that’s only because you wouldn’t have married me any other way. I thought we agreed that we’d turn our marriage into a real one, didn’t we? How could you doubt my love for you?”
I wrap my arms around his neck and blink back my tears. “You still love me?” I ask, my voice trembling.
Luca smiles at me, and my heart skips a beat. This smile. That’s the one that’s only mine. “I never stopped loving you, not even for one second. We had a couple of rough weeks, but my love for you isn’t that superficial. It was just an argument, baby. It’s a phase we’ll work through. Didn’t I tell you once that there will be seasons in our lives, some better than others? I promised you I’d be by your side through all of them, didn’t I? I never should have left.”
“When you didn’t come back, I… I thought…”
He sighs and presses a kiss to my forehead. “I was hurt, and I thought some space could be good for us. I didn’t want to risk saying something I’d regret when you were clearly in enough pain as it was. I was just giving both of us space and time, but then my grandmother evicted me and I was no longer sure what to do. I’ll be honest with you, Valentina. I was scared.”
He pulls away and runs a hand through his hair, that same insecurity I saw earlier flashing through his eyes again.
“Of what?” I whisper.
He looks at me, his gaze pleading, as though he’s quietly begging me to reassure him. “That you truly wouldn’t want me ifI wasn’t a Windsor. All my life, I’ve been surrounded by women who use me for my wealth or my connections, and when you said you wanted to end things with me, I feared the worst. You no longer needed me, and I…”
“Forgive me,” I tell him, my voice breaking. “I will never make you doubt me like that again. Never. I promise, Luca. I just… I was insensitive and selfish, and in my efforts to push you away before you could leave me, I hurt you more than I thought was possible.” I pause and look up at him, hoping my sincerity is evident. “I’ve never once wanted you because you’re a Windsor, Luca. I could’ve gotten a loan from Sierra or your grandmother if I needed one, but instead, I chose to marry you. It wasn’t… it wasn’t because I needed you. It was because Iwantedto be with you, despite everything. That has never changed.I love you.”
He smiles shakily and grabs a strand of my hair, mesmerized. “I love you more, Valentina Windsor.”
I look into his eyes, my heart racing. Even now, fear claws at me, but I’m going to hang onto the hope I see in his eyes. From now on, I’ll choose Luca. Over fear, insecurity, doubt — against all the odds.
Chapter Sixty-Four
Luca
Valentina holds my hand tightly as we walk into her mother’s house. I’ve been here so many times now, yet it feels different this time. I feel like a fucking failure, an embarrassment. Despite that, my mother-in-law smiles when she sees me.
“You’re home,” she tells me, not even a hint of judgement in her gaze. Perhaps she hasn’t heard about what happened yet. “Have you eaten? Come sit.”
She takes us into the living room, and I sit down quietly, unsure of what to say. When Valentina told me to come home with her instead of wasting money at a hotel, it made sense, and I agreed with her. But I regret it now. I don’t want to intrude, and no doubt this won’t make her mother look favorably on me.
“Relax, Luca,” Mom says. “This is your home too. Technically, it’s Val’s, since she paid it off entirely all by herself. You don’t need to look so guilty. You’ll always be welcome here.”
“I… we… we won’t intrude for long,” I promise her. “It won’t take me long to find a new job.” My hand wraps around Valentina’s, and she squeezes reassuringly.
“I’m worried about you two,” she says, before glancing at my wife. “I really like you, Luca, but that wasn’t always the case.When you first got married, I was worried that you’d lead my daughter down the same path I walked. To have you sitting here, the circumstances so similar to back then… it really worries me. I know you love Val, but love often isn’t enough. The only reason I have some faith in you is because you’ve essentially already been living here for weeks, and you never seemed bothered by the things that Miguel used to despise. I’ve seen you do the dishes and tidy the house, and you always clean up after yourself too. You seem like you’ll be fine without the luxuries that have surrounded you all your life, but for how long? How long until you start to resent my daughter for everything you lost? How long until you realize how hard you’ll have to work? This is the same situation that changed the man I thought I knew.”
“Mom,” Valentina murmurs, but I squeeze her hand and shake my head.