I smile at him as I take the tools he’s handing me. “I am. It’s good to see you too, Mitchel. I’m sorry I haven’t been in a while.”
He smiles at me and claps me on the back, but before he can say another word, someone shouts his name. “I hope that’s not another turtle,” he mutters. “I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”
I nod and wave him off, working in solitude for a while. I love volunteering at soup kitchens and doing charity walks, but there’s something about being on the beach, sand between my toes and a breeze dancing on my skin.
“You’ve got that same expression on your face,” Ryan says, and I look up to find him standing a few steps away. He walks toward me, his expression complicated. “You looked just like this when we first met. I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my mind.”
I grimace and look away, suddenly uncomfortable. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I don’t want to reminisce with him.
“How is it that we work in the same office and still don’t get to see each other?”
I purse my lips, unsure how to handle him. “It’s a big company,” I end up saying.
He nods and works quietly alongside me, the way we used to. Ryan and I were pretty good friends before we started dating, but I wonder if any of that was real. Would he truly have come here today if I hadn’t agreed to join?
“Are you okay, Alanna? You’re not usually this quiet. Is Silas overworking you?”
I look up, startled out of my thoughts. “No, not at all.”
Just hearing Silas’s name fills me with equal parts longing and guilt. What would happen to Ryan and Silas’s bond if he ever found out what I did? From what I understand, things are already strained between them, and this could be the final straw.
Ryan sighs and looks away. “Just tell me if he is. I know there’s nothing you can’t handle, but when it comes to my brother, I can definitely help. I’m worried he’s targeting you because of me.”
I instantly want to defend Silas, but I know no good will come of it. “He’s good to me, Ryan. He’s a fair boss, and he treats all of his employees well.”
Ryan stares at me, his expression pained. “Just be careful, okay? I know how charming my brother can be, and you’re spending so much time with him now. I saw a photo of you two in The Herald last week, and the way he looked at you didn’t sit well with me. I know employees of the ψ division often attend corporate events with him, but I don’t know… I don’t think you’d ever betray the love we shared in that way, but still. Silas can be hard to turn down. Just remember that he’s always got an ulterior motive, and there’s only one girl he’s ever truly loved.Ray.”
I look up in surprise, the name sounding oddly familiar. “Who is Ray?” I ask, my heart squeezing painfully.
Ryan hesitates. “She’s the one he calls for when he’s drunk, the one he can’t ever forget. He won’t tell me anything about her, but it’s her he calls for every single time he drinks too much. There are plenty of girls he has fun with, but she’s the only one he’ll ever love. Don’t be just another girl, okay? If you never trust me again and there’s no future for us, I’ll find a way to live with that, but please, please… please don’t ever get with Silas. If he goes after you it’s really only to hurt me. Please don’t let him use you like that. Don’t let him do to you what I did.”
I nod, my heart uneasy. The name Ray sounds familiar, and it’s almost like I can hear Silas whisper it in a memory I can’t quite grasp.
Realistically, there’s no future for Silas and me. If people were to find out about us, we’d be judged harshly, and I have no doubt it’d harm Silas’s reputation.
“You don’t need to worry about that. He’s just my boss.”
Ryan looks into my eyes and forces a smile onto his face. “I believe you, but the photos posted by The Herald definitely made it look like there was something going on between you. They were also left up for much longer than Sinclair Security usually allows, almost as if Silas wanted everyone to see those photos. The way you two danced together, and the way he looked at you… it made me feel sick, Alanna.”
I grimace and nod. That’s probably how most people would respond if they found out about us. They’d call Silas sick or cruel for going after his brother’s girl, and I don’t even want to imagine what they’d say about me.
“Like I said,” I murmur. “You don’t need to worry about it. Besides, you two seem to be doing okay now, aren’t you? You work for Sinclair Security and you guys have dinner together every once in a while. I’m not dismissing what you told me, but Silas seems like a good person. He works hard, and he clearly cares about you.”
Ryan looks away and sighs. “I think he just feels guilty for taking everything from me and leaving Mom and me penniless. There isn’t much left for him to take, so I guess he’s feeling charitable now.”
I shake my head. “Just talk to him. I don’t think he’s pitying you. To me, it looks like he cares about you and wants to salvage whatever relationship you can still have, but relationships are two-way streets, you know?”
Ryan nods and grabs my hand, squeezing tightly. “Yeah, I know.” He hesitates and looks away for a moment. “Alanna, you and I… we’re okay, right? We’re still friends, right? I thought we were okay, but it feels like I’m losing you, and I don’t know what to do.”
My thoughts turn to Silas, and how upset he was when I had lunch with Ryan. I don’t want to see him hurting like that again, but it’s near impossible to cut ties with Ryan completely. My thoughts turn to the future I can’t help but imagine, and for a moment, I wonder what it’d be like if I formally dated Silas. I wouldn’t be able to avoid Ryan, and each family dinner would turn into hell.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “We’re fine.”
We aren’t fine at all, but I’m not sure what else to say. It doesn’t matter what road I choose to walk — they’re all dead ends.
ChapterFifty-Five
Alanna