Alanna hesitates, her finger drawing circles on my chest the way she used to when she was thinking. She might not remember anything, but she still behaves the way she used to. She’s still my Ray in every way that matters.
“No,” she says. “I have a feeling that the memories I lost are important and precious ones, and I wouldn’t want them to be corrupted. I’ve spent years by myself and I’ve done just fine without those memories. Even if I were given the chance, I’d rather wait for them to return to me naturally, without anyone manipulating them.”
I nod, unsure how to feel about her answer. “This person you dream about…” I don’t even know what I’m asking her. “Who do you think it is?”
She sighs and tilts her head. “I think it’s a man. I can only assume it’s an ex-boyfriend, but this would’ve been years ago. He never came looking for me in all this time, and he’s probably moved on.”
“Impossible,” I murmur. “I’m certain he never stopped looking for you, Alanna. There’s no way he would’ve moved on.”
She tenses in my arms, and I tighten my grip on her. “That’s sweet of you,” she whispers. “But we both know it isn’t true.”
She pushes away from me and sits up. “I’m sorry if I woke you up, Silas. Thank you for consoling me. I… I didn’t mean to — I wasn’t trying to…”
“I know.”
“You should probably go back to your room.”
I put my hands behind my head and glance at her. “I’m perfectly comfortable right here.”
She looks at me and shakes her head. “You have a girlfriend.”
“Do I? When did we agree to start dating, Alanna? I’m all for it. I just wasn’t aware. This is definitely a pleasant development.”
She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, and I can’t help but laugh at her expression. I thought I’d set her worries at ease when I told her I wasn’t dating Raven, but her insecurities must have gotten the better of her. She’s always been one to overthink things, and I should’ve anticipated that.
Her gaze turns dreamy all of a sudden, reminding me of the way she used to look at me when she thought I wasn’t looking. “You laughed again.”
“It’s an unfortunate side effect of being around you. You’re ruining my broody imago.”
Alanna stares at me, and I lift my hand to her face, stroking her cheek with the back of my fingers. “I swear to you, Alanna. I don’t have a girlfriend. I’m not seeing anyone. Not now, and not when I took you to bed, either.” From the moment I found her, she’s been all I can see. Even when she brought my brother to my home for dinner, being with someone else never even occurred to me.
“You never took me tobed,” she whispers accusatorially.
I smirk. “I’m happy to remedy that.”
She looks like she’s about to snap at me, so I pull her back to me and hug her tightly. “I’m tired,” I say, my voice soft. “Let’s go to bed.”
I expect her to fight me on this and kick me out, but instead she settles against me and nods. Part of her still wants me, and not just physically. It might take time, but I have no doubt she and I can get back to where we used to be. Day by day, I’m going to steal tiny pieces of her heart, until one day, she’s mine again.
ChapterForty-Four
Silas
I grin at the text messages Alanna sent me, rereading them for the thousandth time today. We woke up together this morning, and she’s barely looked me in the eye all day. She’s been awkward and tense at the office, yet her texts tell a different story.
Alanna:I was just wondering if there’s any chance you’d make it home for dinner tonight?
Silas:If you want me home, I’ll be home.
Alanna:It’s okay if you’re busy. I just wanted to repay you for consoling me last night. Usually that kind of dream leaves me feeling hurt and upset the entire next day, but thanks to you, I’m feeling fine today.
Silas:I’m never too busy for you, Alanna.
Alanna:Then… would you have dinner with me tonight? I can cook for you, if you’d like?
I chuckle to myself, my heart skipping a beat every time I read this text. It’s been hard, taking things slow with her, but moments like these make it all worth it.
Silas:I’ll see you at home tonight then.