He sits up on the edge of the bed and grabs my other hand so he’s holding them both. “It would kill me if you did, but I couldn’t.... I wouldn’t blame you. The way I treated you... I knew you were sore... I knew we should have waited.”
Yeah, I feel pain. But it’s not the kind he’s thinking. “I think we remember it differently. I had to beg you to take me, Lucas. And really, you think I didn’t want what you did to me last night? I wanted it... Heck, you tried to tell me no, and I begged you for it.” I jerk my hands from his and lift the T-shirt I have on. I lift up my bra and point at the marks on my breast. “These? You’re sorry for these?” I let my shirt fall and then lift my shorts and point at the bruising on my thighs. “And these? Do you regret giving me these?”
His face is filled with pain and remorse, but he reaches for me. “Bella–”
I shake my head and back away. “No, I wanted everything you gave me last night. I wanted the pain, the orgasms, the satisfaction... the love. I wanted it all. I don’t regret a single thing. Want to know what hurt me, Lucas? It was waking up and finding you gone from the bed. It was walking downstairs and seeing you in that woman’s arms. It was...” I choke up and point at myself. “It was when you wouldn’t even look at me... like I was a one-night stand that you regretted and you wanted to forget. That, Lucas. That’s what hurt me.”
Lucas
Fuck me, I screwed up and I did it in the worst way.
I want to touch her. I want to have this conversation with her in my lap and holding on to her, but she won’t let me. “I didn’t regret making love to you, Bella. I freaked out this morning. I should have talked to you. Kelly–”
She cuts me off and glares. “Don’t even say her name, Lucas.”
I nod. “Okay, I was a fool. I really thought that our biggest client was pulling out, and yes, I was wanting to escape because I thought I’d hurt you and I couldn’t look at you because I thought I’d scared you and I was afraid you would never forgive me. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have left. You were right about her.”
Bella crosses her arms over her chest, and jealousy flares in her eyes. “What? That she wants you? That she wants to get in your pants?”
I shrug. “No one is getting into my pants except for my wife.”
She gives a gruff laugh. “Wife! For how long? Forget it, don’t answer that. It’s probably better if we end this now, Lucas.”
“Bullshit. We’re not ending a thing.”
She looks so sad. Her eyes are swollen, her lips are puffy, and her nose is red. “I love you, Lucas. I have for a long time.”
All of a sudden, I feel that a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and I let out a breath. “I know that, Bella. You wouldn’t have given yourself to me if you didn’t.”
Before she can react, I reach out and I pull her to me. I wrap my arms around her waist and put my head against her belly. For the longest time, she stands there, holding herself rigid in my arms. But I don’t let go. I take deep breaths, living in the moment of having her in my arms when only minutes ago, I thought I never would again.
She runs her hand through my hair, and just that one touch gives me a little hope. But her words are like a kick in the gut. “Knowing how I feel, you have to understand why I need to leave.”
My voice is thick with emotion, and I tighten my hold on her. “I need you to stay.”
“Why?”
I raise to my feet and put my hands on each side of her face. The pain in her face, what I made her feel, I’ll have to live with the rest of my life, but if she’ll let me, I’ll do everything to make it up to her. “You can’t leave because I love you. Because I don’t want to know what life is like without you. Because I can’t let you go.”
Her breath hitches, and she shakes her head as if what I just said was a lie. “You love me?”
I kiss her, molding my lips to hers. When I pull back, I don’t go far. “Yes, I love you. Fuck, I love you so much, Bella. But I’m scared too. I can’t lose you. If I fuck up, and I’m going to, you can’t leave me.”
Her hands go to my waist. “But Lucas, I didn’t leave you. I was coming back. I will always come back. I promised your granny, and now I’m promising you.”