This time it's just me and Stelios, and while I never ever want him to see himself as a monster—-
I can't tell him I'm in love with him.
I just can't.
But when I hear him tell Eddie to take us home instead, I realize that my husband is already halfway convinced I'm divorcing him because I don't think he's good enough of me—-
Oh, Stelios.
If I don't say anything now...
It will be over between us.
I'll have my divorce, but he'll also always think it's because I see him as a monster.
"Stelios?"
His lips tighten, but he doesn't even look at me, and it's getting harder to keep myself from crying.
"Stelios, please—-"
"Leave it," he says flatly. "You've more than said enough—-"
"It's because I want a baby," I blurt out.
Stelios' powerful body jerks at the words, and I can feel myself paling again.
Oh God, you're in for it now, B.
"What the fuck did you just say?" my husband asks hoarsely.
I remember the time when Stelios and I were standing outside the courtroom, and he had told me he had something to say before going in.
It was the one and only time he had told me about his 'condition', and how he would like to stay childless because of it.
'I won't change my mind about this, so I'd like you to think really hard...if you'd still like to marry me.'
Since having a baby was the furthest thing from my mind that time, it was easy to say yes. But now that my back's against the wall—-
"You heard me."
It's the only reason I can think of that can buy me my freedom without costing my husband his soul, and so I force myself to meet Stelios' stunned slate-gray eyes...before mustering the courage to repeat the same lie.
"I want a baby."
Stelios looks at me like I've just told him I'm an alien. "What the hell, Bailey?"
"J-just hear me out first, okay? I know I promised you I was fine with not having kids," I explain in a rush, "but the past few months, it...it changed me, and that's why...I want a divorce. I want to have a baby—-"
"But not with me."
"Yes—-"
Wait, what did he just say?
Why would he even think—-oh, who cares?
The moment I see the bleakness in his eyes, my mind shuts down, my heart takes over, and I end up taking my words back. "I mean, no, you're wrong about that at all. I would love it if you could give me a baby—-"
Oh dear Lord, please stop me from digging a deeper hole for myself.
"But since you also told me—-"
"I'm not a fucking child. You don't have to sugarcoat the truth—-"
"I'm not!"
"What you really mean to say is that you don't want to have a baby with me because I'm not normal—-"
"Don't you dare put words in my mouth, Stelios Diamandis!" It's my first time to feel terrified and furious at the same time, and it's just more proof that this whole conversation has gone completely bonkers.
"I'm only calling it as I see it—-"
"I have never said you weren't not normal, but you know what? I'm going to say that now—-"
"Because it's true," Stelios grits out. "You think I'm not normal—-"
"I think you're not normal because I think you're extraordinary!"
Oh God, what are you saying, B?
I'm supposed to convince this guy to give me a divorce, not make him think I'm in love with him.
"Bullshit—-"
And yet the moment I hear my husband insinuate I'm lying, well—-
"You were orphaned just like I am, but you didn't have someone like Theía and Papou to lean on. You were forced to take over the family business when all you wanted was out, and you managed to stay alive even when everyone wanted you dead so they could take your place. How is that not extraordinary?"
Oh my freaking God, but you're doing it again, B!
"I've talked to professionals about your condition, Stelios."
And yet my mouth still keeps running away from me.
"It's true that there's a genetic component to worry about, but it's just one factor among many! How you raise your child plays a huge role in what kind of man - or woman - he grows up to be—-"
"And you think I can do that? Raise a child right?"
"Absolutely!"
"Then let's do it."
"Yes, let's—-"
Wait a freaking minute.
Did I just back myself into a corner here?
I try not to panic as I search for the right words to say to him. "This is a baby we're talking about. We can't be hasty—-"
"You wanted a divorce because you thought I didn't want a child."
"I did say that, but—-"
"Or was that all a lie?"
"Yes, I mean, no, of course it's not a lie!"
Crap, crap, crap!
This guy has me so confused I don't even know if I'm arguing to stay or leave.
"If you meant everything you said, then there shouldn't be a problem—-"
Do something, B!