“You wanted to take a walk?” Darian asks her. “Will you be warm enough?” Of course he noticed too.
“Yeah, let’s go for a walk. If you’re up for it?”
“Of course,” Leo says, gesturing for her to accompany him to the trail. The rest of us fall in around them as we start along the paved pathway that’s separated from the beach by low coastal bushes and grasses, and lit by evenly spaced solar lights.
The walkway is empty at this time of night, so we walk five across, Troy and Leo on one side of Lorraine, my brother and I on the other. The sound of the waves coming in is ever present, but it’s easy enough to hear Lorraine when she speaks.
“Thank you for the gifts tonight. You shouldn’t have done that, though.”
“We were hoping they’d make you smile,” Leo says.
“Was it too soon?” Darian asks her.
“We miss you,” I add, hoping the explanation will make things okay if we did act too soon.
Lorraine’s hands are pushed down into her pockets, where her fists stretch the fabric. “You are all wonderful men,” she starts, and my stomach sinks. “But I can’t take the pain of getting emotionally attached to you, only for it not to work out.”
“Why do you assume it wouldn’t work?” I ask.
“And please don’t use the excuse of our ages,” Leo adds.
“I don’t use that as an excuse. It’s a legitimate issue.”
“Let’s pretend for a moment that it’s not,” he says. “What else makes you think it won’t work? Because surely that isn’t a big enough issue by itself.”
“If I were to date you, I wouldn’t be comfortable with you dating other people, or hooking up with women who come to the show or anything. And I know that’s a lot to ask of you.”
“We haven’t been with anyone else since we met you,” Darian says.
“I thought we already made that clear,” I say, slowing as her pace slows. “We only want you.”
Leo gives her arm a quick squeeze. “That was an easy one. What else you got?”
She’s quiet for several paces. I exchange a look with Troy, whose brow is furrowed.
“You’ve only seen the beginning of things,” she says. “We had fun together, the sex was great, but things wouldn’t always be that way.”
“We understand relationships change and grow,” I say.
“That doesn’t mean things can’t continue to be good,” Darian says.
She stops in her tracks. “But people change. People get complacent and take each other for granted.”
Troy steps over to her and takes her hand. “Just because that happened in your marriage, doesn’t mean it has to happen with us.”
“You’re thinking way too far ahead,” Leo says.
She pulls her hand away from Troy and turns so she’s facing all of us. “I have to think ahead, because if I continue to date you and continue to have sex with you, I’m going to become attached to you, and the pain that comes with the end of things is more than I’ll be able to handle.” Her voice goes high at the end, and she swipes at her eyes with her sleeve as she turns to walk away.
The conversation is starting to go in circles, and it’s become clear that she’s already hurting now, not at some hypothetical end of our proposed relationship.
Darian rushes up beside her, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Let’s stop for a minute.” He ushers her to a nearby bench, where he sits down beside her. Troy sits on her other side, his expression heavy with concern.
When she starts to cry, Leo and I kneel in front of her, gently rubbing her denim-covered legs as Darian puts his arm around her, and Troy rubs his thumb over the back of her hand.
She produces a tissue from her pocket and swipes at her eyes. When it’s saturated, Troy holds the sleeve of his shirt out to her. “Here. Use this.”
As I kneel there, feeling completely useless, I vow to start carrying a handkerchief.
45
Troy
I expect my brother to be uncomfortable with Lorraine’s tears and urge her to stop crying, but he doesn’t. None of us do. We let her cry, and it’s not long before her tears come to a stop.
I could almost cry myself from the look on her face that remains. She’s hurt, ashamed, embarrassed, and in a lot of pain.
Brushing her hair away from her face, I lightly stroke a finger over her cheek. “Lorraine, what’s wrong?”
“We would never hurt you like your husband did,” Dante says.
“It wasn’t just him.” Her voice breaks, and it sounds like the tears might fall again.
“There was someone else?” Darian asks.
“Me,” she says, swiping at her eyes again. “I was the problem.”
She drops her head into her hands and sobs, while Darian and I both rub her back, doing our best to soothe her.
Leo looks at me with wide eyes. This isn’t how any of us expected this talk to go.