“Are you going to keep punishing me?” he accuses.
“Punishing you?”
“You’ve been so cold to me.”
“We’ve been on two dates, Nick, after over a year of separation and a divorce. What did you expect from me?”
His eyes search my face before he returns his attention to the road, but he doesn’t answer.
Several minutes of silence stretch out, and it’s a shame that the silence is so uncomfortable when I’m with someone I’ve known for so long.
“If this is going to work, you’re going to need to forgive me,” he says finally.
I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “I understand that, but do you really think that’s something that I can just easily choose to do? I’m also going to need to be able to trust you.”
His jaw tightens and he keeps looking forward. “I know that.”
The restaurant we’ve chosen isn’t far from home, and neither of us speaks again until we pull into the lot. When he turns off the engine, I don’t make any moves to get out. “Why do you think we should get back together?” I ask, and my question hangs there for a moment before he answers.
“We’ve been together for so long, Rai. It’s always been us.”
Except when it wasn’t, I think.
“We need each other. We know each other so well,” he says.
It should feel good to be needed, but I’m coming to realize that it’s just a partner he needs, not me specifically.
“Why did you break up with Courtney?” I ask.
When he hesitates and looks down, shrinking back in his seat, my path forward is clear.
“This isn’t going to work, Nick. We both know that we’d been growing apart for years, and I don’t see a good reason for us to try to make things work. Not after everything that’s happened.”
“After everything that’s happened? After what I did, you mean? You’re saying it’s my fault.”
I let out a sigh, even though I’m glad he’s already confirming that I’ve made the right decision. “I didn’t say anything of the sort, and I’m not interested in arguing about it or rehashing any of it. Do you want to drive me home, or should I arrange for a ride?”
He looks at me for a long time, and I see the moment when he decides to give up without a fight. “I’ll take you home.”
We’re both quiet during the short ride. In one way, it feels like a big event. This is truly the end. But in another way, there’s nothing dramatic about it at all. Things have been over for a long time.
“I’ll see you around, Nick,” I tell him as I get out of the car.
“Take care, Lorraine.”
He waits for me to unlock the front door, and then he drives away.
41
Leo
I’ve started to text Lorraine many times over the past few days, and each time, I’ve stopped myself.
I’ve been waging an internal battle over respecting her wishes and wanting to convince her that she’s making a big mistake.
I’m very willing to fight for her — all of us are — but we also take a woman’s “no” for what it means.
I’m texting her today, though, and it’s purely business. Tell that to my heart. And my cock.
“Would you still like us to do yard maintenance this week?” I type and send.
It takes her half an hour to answer, but it’s during her work hours, so I tell myself not to read into her response time.
“Yes, if it still works for you,” she finally replies.
“Sure. Just wanted to make sure your ex wasn’t taking over the job.”
Three dots appear, and pulse on the screen for a long time. “He won’t be around anymore,” she sends finally.
I’d been sitting on the couch, and I literally jump up, fist clenched in triumph. “Yes!”
My brother’s head jerks up from his phone. “What’s going on?”
A grin spreads across my face. “Lorraine. She says her ex is gone.”
Troy’s brows lift. “Gone? She dumped him?”
“Dunno. I’ll ask her.” I sit again and prepare to type, but Troy interrupts.
“I don’t think you should ask her that. What did her message say?”
I read it to him, and he’s quiet as he appears to consider the options.
“I don’t think he’d have dumped her, even though he does make terrible decisions,” I say.
“I hope she’s okay,” Troy says.
“Are you okay?” I text.
This time, her response comes back quickly. “I’m fine. I’ll see you Saturday morning.”
She doesn’t want to talk about it. I read the message to Troy, and he agrees with my take on it.
I resist the urge to say everything I want to say to her and instead respond with, “See you then,” and start counting the hours until the weekend.
I run various scenarios in my head and build up a lot of anticipation, so when we arrive at Lorraine’s and she doesn’t immediately come outside, I get antsy.