* * *
Now
I shotawake from a dream of my father. No, not a dream—a memory. That was all he would ever be now.
By dawn, I was on a train heading west.
I’d stayed awake long enough to see the station disappear and the countryside roll in around the tracks before passing out. The fraught drive along a dirt track in the woods in an old car was exhausting, and I couldn’t stay awake one more second.
When I woke, I was curled in the window seat like a cat with the bag Nikolai had given me under my knees. I’d been dirt poor and desperate most of my adult life. I knew not to fall asleep in public with a bag full of money stowed overhead.
I sat up and rubbed my tired eyes, staring out at the dawn streaking across the horizon with my arms wrapped around my middle and my mind a comfortable blank.
The train chugged along as the landscape beyond the windows lightened, showing small towns and farms set in rolling hills or flats. My mind was churning, and I’d already been to the bathroom two times to vomit. Was it a sickness bug or something else? The possibility of “something else” had frozen me to my seat.
Henry was gone. I felt an odd emptiness at the thought. My apartment was gone, my job behind me, and my mother out of reach. I shuddered, thinking of Mara lying in a bed in one of the best nursing homes on the East Coast. He wouldn’t hurt her, would he?
No, he wouldn’t. That was the kind of fucked up relationship Kirill and I had. He’d lied to me, kept huge, important things from me, and potentially gotten me pregnant without my knowledge, but . . . I knew he wouldn’t hurt Mara. He wouldn’t hurt me either if he ever found me, but he would force me to come back to him. If he caught me this time, there wouldn’t be a second chance to escape. Kirill was possessive as hell. Add pregnancy into the mix, and I’d be lucky to leave The Tower again in ten years. I didn’t know how to feel. I was feeling too much and nothing at all.
“Excuse me, dear. Is this seat taken?” A soft voice jerked me from my maudlin thoughts.
I looked up to see an older man standing beside me, balancing precariously as the train bobbed on the track. I took my coat off the chair next to me and attempted a smile at him. It felt like pasting a smiley face sticker over a mortal wound.
He sat down slowly beside me and let out a long sigh when he relaxed.“Well, now. That’s better. Sorry to interrupt you. I wasn’t sure if this seat was taken.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m alone. All alone,” I repeated.
Tears threatened to push past my eyelids, but I couldn’t cry anymore. I’d already had three long crying jags; another would have people staring. I couldn’t afford to draw attention to myself. I had no idea how Kirill was planning on finding me, but I had to be careful.
Maybe he won’t bother. Remember? You left him a second time after he’d just forgiven you for the first time. Besides, isn’t he getting married?
“Sorry, what?” I asked, suddenly realizing the older man had asked me something. He held out a wrinkled hand, trembling fingers and all, to shake mine. A lump formed in my throat as I quickly swallowed it.“I’m . . . Molly.”
There wasn’t any point in continuing my Lori Wilson identity since Kirill knew it. Wherever I was going, I couldn’t afford to do anything official where I’d need paperwork to work.
“I’m Fred. Nice to meet you, Molly. I like that name. I knew a Molly once. You don’t hear it around so much anymore,” he said, smiling at me. “Where you headed, Molly?”
I chewed my lip. “I haven’t decided yet. I don’t even know where this train stops.”
Fred lowered his brows at me. “You need to know where you’re going, young lady. How you gonna get there if you don’t?”
“I don’t know.” I chuckled, relaxing in his presence. It was good to have a distraction from the pain throbbing in my head.
“My stop is four hours away. Maybe you’ll think about my little town for a visit. It’s pretty as a picture,” he said. “Let me tell you all about it.”
“Okay.” I settled in as Fred told me about Willow Creek, the place he’d lived his entire life. I tried to imagine such a stable existence and not think about the tattooed man with dark, soulful eyes I’d left behind. It was hard.
Despite everything Nikolai had told me, I felt guilty about running. As much as it annoyed me, the guilt ate at me. I was abandoning him all over again, but this time, he deserved it. The knowledge didn’t make the journey any less lonely.
8
MOLLY
TWO MONTHS LATER
“Molly! Remember, you need to sign the training sheet,” a voice called.
I nodded to myself. “On it!”