His broad frame towers over me, and water cascades down his firm chest and stomach. “What about me?”
“You didn’t come.” I feel bad that I tapped out before he could get his release, but Lex seems relaxed, satiated almost, despite not coming at all.
He reaches out and helps me to my feet. “It’s fine, bunny. I’ll fill you up the first chance I get.” His eyes scan the horizon. “We’ll take another quick dip and then we gotta get going. It’s morning.”
I nod. I have no idea what will happen to us, but Lex is opening me up to a world I never knew existed. One where the risk of losing my freedom is the most freedom I’ve ever felt.
ChapterFifteen
Selena
It feels like it’s getting more and more rural the further south we go. There’s so much farm country in Tennessee, and I can’t help but get lost in the sight. Small homesteads with various livestock line the road on both sides. Cows, goats, and some horses stand in a large paddock, and I press my forehead to the glass to take them all in.
Lex takes a right-hand turn, and we follow along the fancy wooden fences. I don’t know what Lex has planned as we drive down yet another secluded dead-end road. The eternity of pavement feels endless. We drove for a long time today, and we’re both worn down. He just won’t admit it. I will, with a long exhale.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“We need a new car. When I got gas, I overheard two locals talking about a lonely farmer who lives up this road. Said he was away, and it sounded like a good opportunity. An easy one.”
I tighten my lips and rub the cuts on my ankles. “I need to wash these with actual soap.” Natural water sources aren’t hygienic. Not in the slightest. Ineeda real shower.
“You will.” Lex’s eyes jump to a rickety farmhouse ahead of us. “There it is, just like they said.”
Lex pulls to the side of the road, and we walk the last bit toward the house. My feet ache from my shoes rubbing everywhere the rocks and branches bit my skin.
“What happened to your biological parents?” I ask, trying to distract myself from my pain by hearing his.
Lex doesn’t speak at first. I don’t expect him to answer my question, but he surprises me when he does. “Never met my father and hardly knew my mother. She liked dope better than me. I’ve been in and out of the foster system since they found me alone in an apartment surrounded by needles when I was six.”
“Lex—”
“Don’t, rabbit. I hear the pity in your voice.” He shakes his head. “We all can’t be as lucky as you were growing up.”
I stop mid-step and turn toward him. He doesn’t need to attack me because he’s hurt. He doesn’t have to get so defensive. “You know nothing about how I grew up.”
“Don’t I?”
I scoff. “No. You don’t. I hardly knew my parents, either. They threw money at me to make up for being absent. I had one purpose as their daughter, and it was to marry whoever would better their business. They handed me to the devil even though they knew they were sending me to hell with him. Theyknewhe’d burn me. Money has kept me alive while simultaneously killing me. I’d give it all up, and I have. There’s no more beyond what I took, and I’m fine with it.” My shoulders drop from the weight of the finality of my life before Lex. I still wouldn’t take anything back.
“Selena,” Lex says as I quicken my steps toward the house.
I ignore him. When he keeps trying, I turn on my heels and narrow my eyes at him. “You think I’m a spoiled little brat, don’t you? Fancy fucking show rabbit, right? Too special to get it dirty or allow it to be an animal. I’ve tried to show you that I’m not some fragile, well-groomed little thing!”
Lex raises his voice in a way I’ve never heard directed at me. “Selena, you need to calm the hell down. Where is this even coming from?”
It’s coming from him. The things he says about my life make me so angry. I see the way he looks at me sometimes, like I’m some spoiled brat who ran away from a perfect life. It’s a deep-seated insecurity from always being told my life was fine because I had money and nice things. When I told my mother what Bryce was doing to me, she said, “But he’s supporting you, Selena. I know how you can be. Sometimes you just need to change your behavior a bit to make him happy.” Because he “supported” me, I had to accept the pain.Ihad to change, not the one inflicting the abuse. Fuck Lex for thinking I was somehow shielded from pain because of fucking money.
No, it was the root of all evil in my family and my marriage.
The weight of it crushes me, and I lose the strength to hold myself up. I fall to my knees. Lex runs to help me up, but I push his hands away. “Let me be for a few minutes. The house is right there. I’ll meet you inside.”
Lex shakes his head and looks up at the farmhouse. “I’m not leaving you out here alone.”
“That’s precisely what I need right now. I need to be alone,” I whisper. I sit back on my heels and breathe in the heavy farm air. It smells like grain and manure. A tear slips down my cheek, and I wipe it away before he can see it. I don’t need him to stay and comfort me. I need to comfort myself.
“Selena,” he commands, but for once I don’t listen.
“Go!” I yell back, surprising myself with the ferocity.