“Drake, it’s not your fault,” River insists as he reaches for me once more, but this time I don’t allow him to touch me. I don’t let him get too close because he’s already far too attached to me.
He needs to be free. He needs to have a normal life. And that doesn’t include me.
Somehow, I need to free him, and that means I have to stop this . . . thing . . . between us. He needs to hate me. I’ll make sure he does. It’s easy because I’m not worthy of the love he so clearly holds for me.
“Get out of my room,” I bite out, shoving myself off the bed.
He doesn’t say anything. There’s no response as I stalk into my bathroom and push the sweatpants down my thighs. As soon as the material falls to the floor, I see it. The blood he asked about.
Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I focus on the shower as I step into it. Opening the tap, I let the water prick my skin violently as it heats up.
My eyes are closed when I hear the door slide open.
“You can push all you want, Drake,” River tells me with sadness lacing his tone. “But one day, you’ll have to learn to accept that I’ll never leave you.”
And then I’m alone.
Like I should be.
That’s when I allow the tears to fall.
Growing up the way I did, I was fucked-up beyond my years by the time I was sixteen. My attachment to both men and women drove me to make stupid choices, and in those moments, I ensured my best friend would never leave me. He fell in love with me long before I even knew what that word meant. At times, I still don’t. I’m nearing thirty, and I have no idea what love is. And I know it’s not something I’ll ever want. Even if it hits me right in the face.
I push River away.
I push everyone away.
I don’t deserve any affection, but there are times I crave a touch. I glance at River who’s watching me intently as we head to my wing of the mansion. As soon as we’re in the bedroom, I shove him against the door, my cock throbbing when he reaches for it, squeezing it painfully.
“This is what you wanted?” I bite out, anger suddenly running rife through my veins. As much as I would love the taste and feel of a slick, tight hole right now, I’m going to take my best friend and fuck away the agony gripping my chest.
Over the years, we’ve shared women. I’ve watched him fuck guys and women, but he’s never spent more than one or two nights with someone, and deep down, I know it’s due to his feelings for me. River has loved me for most of our lives together.
“You want to take out your anger on me?” he rumbles, causing me to snap my gaze to him. “Do it.” It’s a challenge. It burns in his eyes, and I want to extinguish the flame with fire of my own. I crash my mouth to his, our lips molding to each other's.
My hands are on his belt, tugging it from the loops. Freeing his zipper, I shove his slacks down and find his bulge throbbing beneath my hand.
Tears sting my eyes. I can’t let them fall. My emotions are all over the place. It’s the first time I’ve killed a woman, and the darkness seems to be dragging me under. River’s tongue licks into my mouth, tasting of smoke and whiskey. Spicy and sweet mingled together to create a fucking intoxicating mix of want and need.
His hands grip my crisp white shirt, and he rips it harshly. Buttons pop against every surface within reach. The sound pinging like a warning siren in the darkness of the room.
“Don’t let them win,” he tells me when I suck on the flesh of his neck. His skin is soft, pliable, and my teeth sink in, causing him to groan. He rolls his hips against me, and it’s my turn to grunt in pleasure. Our cocks rubbing against each other, we’re dry humping like fucking teenagers, and I’m so close to blowing my load in my boxers.
“They’ll lose. Every one of them,” I inform him. Practically tearing at his underwear, I drop to my knees and take his cock in my mouth. River’s fingers tangle in my hair, pulling me closer, causing me to choke on his thickness as I swallow my best friend. His eyes glower down at me, watching me like he would anyone else, but the smirk on his lips tells me this is what he’s always wanted. Me, Drake Savage, on my knees for him.
It’s the first time I’ve ever tasted him, and I revel in it. Licking slowly, dragging my teeth over the shaft, eliciting groans from deep in his throat.