Lucien stiffened at his side, going pale.
Eric had never felt so furious—and so humiliated. “I have no intention of paying someone to mate me,” he said sharply and strode away, out of this stifling room, ignoring Lucien’s gentle voice trying to stop him.
He walked out into the brightly illuminated gardens, his eyes stinging and his vision becoming uncomfortably blurry with every step he took. Stumbling into the darker part of the gardens, he sat down on the bench, buried his face in his hands, and tried hard not to cry.
He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t. He didn’t care what all these people thought of him. He didn’t care.
He didn’t.
“Eric?”
Eric froze, his shoulders stiffening. Slowly, he lifted his head, peeking at Hugh from between his fingers.
The alpha stood some distance away, eyeing him with a frown.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Eric whispered, letting his hands fall. “I thought you were supposed to keep your distance from me.”
“I am keeping distance from you,” Hugh said, his eyes flicking to the space between them.
Eric smiled humorlessly and decided not to inform him that he could still smell him, from all the way there. And that he had to dig his fingers into his thighs in order not to launch himself at him, bury his face against his throat, and nuzzle into it like a touch-starved thing. He’d never wanted to be held so fucking badly.
“Are you okay?” Hugh said, clearing his throat. His face was rather inscrutable, and he looked far less approachable than he had as a doctor, but his eyes were not unkind as he met Eric’s eyes. “You seem upset.”
“I’m fine,” Eric said. “Please go.” Please come over here and hold me.
Hugh studied him for a moment. “You can be honest with me. You know that, right?”
“You can’t help me, Hugh. No one can. I knew I shouldn’t have come here.”
Hugh’s eyes hardened. “Has anyone offended you?”
“No,” Eric said with a crooked smile. “All they did was speak the truth.”
“Which is?”
“I’ve been told I’d be lucky if some bankrupt, unpleasant alpha agrees to take me as his mate in exchange for lots of money and connections.” He smiled, looking at his hands. “Apparently, that’s the best I can hope for. Lucky me, right?”
Hugh said nothing.
“I wish I could say it doesn’t matter,” Eric said. “But I can’t. I don’t want to be a burden to my family forever. I don’t want to look for an alpha, but I want to fix my reputation, because it’s affecting my siblings’ lives too. I couldn’t even stay long for Jules’s wedding, because my presence was making the day about me, not the newlyweds. I also made things harder for Liam, and I know Jules’s husband’s political standing has been affected by the scandal too. And my own stupid biology is leaving me no choice but to look for a mate.” He looked up at Hugh, well aware that his desperate hope was written all over his face. “Unless I’m fixed? I don’t feel the urge to jump every alpha anymore.”
Hugh’s lips thinned. He shook his head. “Your post-heat blood tests aren’t encouraging. It seems the shared heat with a compatible alpha simply gave you a temporary reprieve, fooling your biology into thinking that you’re getting mated. But the hormone levels are rising again—slowly, but rising. Your blood test from yesterday was worse by nine percent compared to the blood test right after the heat. And it’s been just two days.”
Damn it.
Eric leaned back and, tugging his knees up, wrapped his arms around them. He probably looked like a kid, and he felt like it, too. Helpless. Lost.
“What should I do?” he whispered. “I don’t know what to do.” His brothers always said how smart Eric was, but right now he didn’t feel smart at all. He felt stupid and completely out of his depth.
This was all his own fault. If only he hadn’t…
“You know the funniest part?” Eric said with a twisted smile, looking at the stars unseeingly. “For an omega with a tarnished reputation, I’ve never even been alone in a room with an unmated alpha until—until I moved to Kadar.” Until you. “But the truth doesn’t matter. Me being a stupid kid who trusted a stranger on the Internet doesn’t make a good story. Me being a slag does.”
“Were you in love with him?”
“You know, you’re actually the first person to ask this question.”
“Were you?”
“I don’t know,” Eric answered quietly, putting his chin on his knee and looking at the stars again. “I fancied myself in love, of course. As much as you can be in love with a person you’ve never met. We met through a video game, were part of the same guild, went adventuring together and stuff. Jerome was the tank of our team, the brave, strong alpha who always stood between me and the bad guys, and…” He shrugged helplessly. “I guess I transferred the admiration I felt for the character to the real person. Yeah, I know it’s stupid. I should have been smarter. I am smarter. At least I’m supposed to be, if the IQ tests are to be believed. I think they’re full of shit.”