There’s nothing in Obelensky’s voice to suggest that he’s bluffing or joking or intends to do anything else with me once I’m there. His delivery was flat and even, a man who had made a decision. He wants me dead.Dead.
The finality of it sends a dizzying wave of nausea over me, and I feel myself tilting, unable to keep myself upright with my hands cuffed behind my back. I slump against the chair, vaguely seeing Art still shouting at Edo, practically going across the desk. Edo lurches back, standing up, and I see the call end as Edo shouts something towards the door at the same moment that Art pivots towards me.
He starts to grab me, but Edo’s guards are already moving. Even as horrified as I am, the reality of my fate settling over me, there’s something immensely satisfying about seeing Edo’s security dragging Art out of the room as he wrestles and shouts, trying to get free of them.
The door shuts behind them, hard, and Edo comes around the side of the desk, reaching for me. I flinch back, but he only puts his hand on my shoulder, helping right me as he turns partway towards a table by the wall. He pours a glass of water from a pitcher, holding it to my lips and tipping it up so that I can drink.
There’s something almost like a hint of sympathy in his eyes as he looks at me, as if now that the matter is settled, he can have some human feeling about it. “It’s not Arturo, at least,” he says, giving me another drink of the water as my vision starts to clear, the room coming back into focus. “It will be quick–your death. Obelensky has no reason to prolong it. You can take comfort in that.”
A shudder ripples through me, and for one horrifying moment, I think I’m going to burst into tears. I bite the inside of my cheek, hard, trying to fight them back. I don’t want to break down in front of this man, not now. I want to do this bravely, to be strong, to make him think I couldn’t care less what happens, even if inside, I feel as if I’m dissolving with fear.
Edo regards me for a moment longer, then motions to another of the guards. “Take her upstairs,” he says. “Give her a change of clothes, something comfortable for the plane. And get it–and her–ready for transport.”
I don’t know what that means, exactly, but I can’t let myself think about it.
I’m going back to Russia–the place I was born, the place I was abandoned, the place I was stolen from.
There’s a strange symmetry to it. If I wasn’t going to my death, I might almost find it pleasing.
As it is, I can only find the irony.
9
SASHA
The guard uncuffs me once we make it back to the bedroom. He’s still kinder with me than the other was–our journey from Edo’s office back to the room I’m staying in was a normal walk, not being painfully dragged–and he cuts the ties off of my wrists carefully. I back away from him suspiciously, ready to fight back if he tries to touch me. I don’t know what rules are in place regarding me now that Obelensky has made his claim–if I’m supposed to go to him in the condition I am now, or if it’s a free for all since I’m doomed anyway.
The guard, a young-ish man in probably his mid-twenties, with dark hair and soft chocolate eyes, gives me a look that’s almost sympathetic. “I’ll be back with your change of clothes,” he says, slipping out of the room and locking it behind him, and it’s then that it occurs to me that I’ve been an idiot.
If the guard has any feelings about this at all, or if he’s attracted to me, I might be able to use it to my advantage. Art isn’t here, or Edo, and he might be able to help me. All I’d have to do is offer him something to make it worth his while.
My stomach twists at the idea, and I close my eyes, trying to breathe.I don’t want to do this.As far as I’m concerned, I don’t ever want to touch another man now that Max is gone. I want him to be the last, the one I’ll remember for as long as I live.
If I don’t try, though, that won’t be for very much longer.
What do you want?I chide myself, my breath catching in my throat.Do you want to die, or do you want to live? Are you going to do what it takes, or are you going to give up and hope there’s an afterlife, and that Max made it there?
I don’t know what I believe, but I don’t have any hopes of seeing Max again–not in the way I’d want to, anyway. I don’t have any desire to orbit each other chastely for the rest of eternity. I’ve never heard of a version of heaven where there’s sex, especially not outside of marriage, I’m willing to bet. Maybe married couples get a special spot, but that wasn’t Max and me.
My heart twists in my chest, my racing thoughts rapidly growing hysterical. I don’t want to live without Max, but with the handing down of my death sentence, I’m not sure I’m ready for that, either. I don’t know what my future could possibly look like after this, but I know I don’t want what’s waiting for me on the other end of that flight tonight.
There’s a knock at the door–a guard,knocking–and the young man walks in again, clothes in his hands. He sets them down on the bed. “There’s something comfortable there for your flight,” he says. “And clean, um–underthings.”
He flushes as he says it, and I grab my opportunity before I can talk myself out of it.
“Thank you,” I say softly, edging a little closer to him. “That was nice of you. What–what’s your name?”
He backs up instantly, and I follow, giving him a little space, but doing my best to stay close and tempting. “I’m Sasha.”
“I know.” He clears his throat. “I–”
“I thought, maybe–” I tip my chin up, looking into his dark eyes, hoping that whatever he sees in mine, he likes it.
It doesn’t work. His face hardens instantly, and I see his posture go rigid as he pulls himself up to his full height, retreating quickly to the door. “That’s not going to work,” he says firmly, reaching for the knob. “I’m just here to do my job. I feel sorry for you, but no man with a single brain cell crosses Don Casciani.”
He starts to open the door, and then pauses, glancing back at me. “I don’t recommend trying that on any of the others,” he adds quietly. “They’ll take you up on your offer, but you’ll end up on that plane anyway. Might as well keep what you have left. Edo’s made it clear none of them are to molest you.”
The guard slips out then, and my heart falls to my feet, my last shred of hope gone. I hadn’t realized how much I was clinging to it until it vanishes, and I sink onto the edge of the bed, my world narrowing down to the ticking minutes between now and when I get on that plane to Moscow.