Holy shit! Ashley couldn’t believe it. This was impossible. Phoenix Marshall, the pack alpha, the wandering nomad biker, was her … mate. This couldn’t be happening.
She had never felt this way. It was shockingly overwhelming, almost terrifying, and she didn’t know what to do. This man—it wasn’t possible. He couldn’t be her mate and yet, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his body close to hers. She loved the feeling of him against her. The wolf inside her seemed to come to life at the scent of him, and Ashley felt that need to mate.
She’d never wanted to have sex. Living with her parents, she had to get over the constant sounds of them … doing it, all the freaking time. They’d been mated young and still loved each other. That was the power of the mating.
All too soon, the kiss stopped.
Staring into Phoenix’s eyes, it was like her wolf instantly withdrew. She saw the threat, the anger, the hatred. Ashley didn’t know how it was possible for this man to hate her when they had never even met, but it was there, clear to see by anyone willing to take notice. He despised her.
Phoenix leaned in close, his lips brushing against her ear. “You better have enjoyed that because that’s all you’re getting. I don’t want a fucking mate, and especially not someone like you. You keep this to yourself. You tell anyone and I’ll fucking kill you and your whole family, do you hear me?”
The threat was real.
Ashley couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but at the same time, she … knew. For the longest time, she had always been bigger than the rest of the pack. She’d tried dieting and even starving herself so that she would meet the goal weight she had set herself. Nothing she did ever worked. Her parents hated her extreme dieting.
“Especially not someone like you.”That could only mean one thing—he found her unattractive. He didn’t want to fuck the fat girl. That was it, wasn’t it?
Ashley stared at her mate and watched as he stepped back into the bar. Tears filled her eyes, and pain slashed right through her chest. She couldn’t think. This had to be the most mortifying feeling in the world.
“What happens if mates don’t ever want to be together? If they can’t stand each other?”It was a question she had asked her parents over dinner a few years ago.
Both of them had laughed.“Oh, honey, that kind of thing doesn’t happen. Once you find your mate, you don’t ever want to leave them. All you want is to be with them. There is no denying the pull of your mate. It just isn’t possible.”
Her mate had rejected her. He hated her. He was disgusted by her.
No one could ever find out.
From the high of the transition, Ashley hit the low of this intense secret. She could never tell anyone she had found her mate, or that her mate didn’t want her.
Chapter One
Five Years Later
Ashley sat at the edge of the forest, high on a cliff. One fall would cause her problems for several weeks afterward. Her wolf could withstand a great deal of pain and injury but there came a point where even she would die. Not that she had a wish to jump off the cliff. None at all. She just loved to sit at the edge, looking over the forest.
In the distance, she saw the glinting lights of the few towns that were spread out. From this vantage point, they didn’t look too far apart, but in true distance, they were a few hours away. This was how she spent a lot of her time during the full moon. It was all she could do.
Her wolf had to stay away from the pack. Ever since Phoenix had rejected them, it had been hard for her wolf to even want to join in with the monthly moon run. Her parents didn’t like her withdrawal. They also didn’t like that whenever the alpha came to town, she made sure to stay the fuck away from him. The past three times he’d been in town, she’d taken a tent and gone hiking for over a week.
Living in the woods, far away from the pack, had been an interesting experience. Daniel, her friend, often came to get her. He also didn’t like her withdrawal. She knew he was upset that they were not mates. Ashley hadn’t known the truth but in high school, he had a huge crush on her. Once he told her how he felt, which happened twenty-four hours after the ultimate rejection. She had no choice but to let him down. There was no way they could have been together. Daniel had understood. They remained friends, but she made the effort to try and find him a mate. She never allowed him to get too close to her either.
In fact, there was a lot of things she did now that kept her separate from the pack.
It had taken her a year to figure out that when Phoenix Marshall came to town, the only place he didn’t visit was the DIY store. She had quit her job at the library, then the café, followed by the diner and the bar, until she settled on the DIY store, and she had so far worked there for the past four years. She was pretty good at it as well. Ashley absolutely hated it, but she helped the pack whenever they came into the store, and when needed, filled some online orders. John, the owner, was a nice guy. He was fair as well.
She hadn’t been able to move out of her parents’ home yet, but she was close to saving for an apartment of her own. Actually, she had enough money, but what stopped her was a decision. A choice. To leave the pack for good and to start fresh, or to stay.
Nibbling her lip, she looked toward the two towns. Some wolves, like Phoenix, survived without a pack. There was nothing bad about being alone. Of course, the battle would be in being lonely. That was the only part she wasn’t looking forward to. In fact, it did kind of worry her.
Tucking some hair behind her ears, she took a deep breath, trying to convince herself she was fine and happy. She hadn’t told a single soul what happened that night. Staring up at the full moon, she closed her eyes as she felt the tears welling up. Crying never helped but each full moon came with the stark memory. She was alone and her own mate didn’t want anything to do with her.
Ashley had tried to starve herself. She had tried to do whatever she could to change herself, but the weight didn’t budge. She swiped at her eyes, swatting away the tears.
“Stupid,” she said.
“What’s stupid?”
She turned to see Daniel walking toward her. He was dressed in a pair of shorts. Ashley was no longer naked either. She kept a crop top and shorts close by, after spending an entire week figuring out the sites of the woods where she often stopped during the full moon.