I shrug. Comfortable isn’t the word I would use. Disgusted. Betrayed. Angry. They’re much more appropriate descriptions of my feelings, but again, I can’t tell him that.
“I guess I do.”
“How did you feel when he came to your rescue?”
“Grateful, I guess?” I shift in my seat, hating all these damn questions he’s firing at me. The truth is, even though the attack wasn’t real, itdidfeel good having someone come to my rescue for once. I’ve been let down so many times that I’d forgotten what it felt like to have someone put themselves out for me like that. He went out of his way to make me feel safe, even putting me in a hotel for a few nights. Most would consider that heroic. The irony is Sam is far from my saviour. If anything, he’s part of the reason I am the way I am.
“Did you tell your aunt what happened?”
I shake my head. “I didn’t want to worry her. She’s going through a rough time right now and I don’t want to add to her stress. She and my uncle are finalizing their divorce,” I babble, trying to keep the lies about my ‘family’ straight in my head.
“This is a lot for you to deal with on your own.” His eyes soften, but I recognize the look in them. He’s not going to let this go. “I’m sure she’d like to know what happened so she can help you through it. Family support is key, after all.”
“I can handle it,” I insist, wishing he would drop it already. “It really wasn’t as bad as it sounds.”
“It looks pretty bad to me,” he points out. “You’re lucky you weren’t more seriously hurt.”
“Yes, well, I wasn’t,” I snap, sitting on my hands to stop the fidgeting. I’m getting agitated now, which is making me anxious. “So can we just drop it?”
He’s silent for a moment, but then has the sense to change the subject. “Okay, let’s talk about something else, then. Have you been attending school?”
I nod. At least that’s one thing I don’t need to lie about.
“I like school. It gives me something to focus on when…” I hesitate, then stop myself from continuing.
“When what?” he asks. He studies me closely.
“When things feel too hard,” I whisper, staring intently at my hands.
“Have you been speaking with your brother?”
I look up, surprised by his question. He hasn’t asked me about Jake in a long time. I know patient confidentiality is a thing, but I can’t be sure he won’t call the cops on Jake if I say anything about his whereabouts, given his criminal record and outstanding warrants. So, I look him in the eye and shake my head.
“Of course not, I just…” I bite my lip, anxiety swirling in my stomach. “Sometimes the shit in my head builds up and everything gets too much. School is a distraction.”
Sam is a distraction too.
And ruining his life is a great use of my excess energy.
“Distracting yourself from the real issue won’t end well, Chloe. You need to talk about what you’re feeling, not bottle things up and let them fester.”
“Idotalk about it,” I mutter, my defences kicking in.
“With whom? Jake?”
The clock on Dr. Lawson’s desk pings before I can answer. I breathe out.
Saved by the bell.
“Guess we’re out of time.” I try not to sound so happy about that but a smile creeps onto my face. “See you next week, Doc?”
“Have a good week, Chloe,” he sighs, but I’m already out the door.
Outside, I glance at my phone. It’s late—almost lunch. English would have already started, and while walking in mid-session would be a great way to get Sam’s attention, I’m feeling agitated and on edge. I hate the thought of him seeing me like this. It’s one thing to act vulnerable and scared around him, but to feel those things for real? I’m tempted to skip the rest of the day, but I don’t. I have to keep control of this situation and that means not letting my thoughts and emotions get in the way of what I need to do.
I can’t risk messing this up, not when I’ve come so far.
CHAPTER6