***
I’d ignored all phone calls and texts today.
Christian had called a half dozen times and sent more messages than that, so when my phone rang again at almost nine PM, I answered.
“Hello?”
I heard the sigh of relief through the phone. “Thank God. I’ve been worried about you all day.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you really?”
The truth was, I wasn’t fine. And I was tired of lies. “No, I’m not. But I will be. You don’t have to worry about me, though.”
“Of course I’m going to worry about you. You’re all I could think about today. Hell, you’re all I’ve been able to think about since I met you. I want to help you get through this, Bella. But I know you’re upset with me for not telling you right away, and I’m afraid to push too hard and make things between us worse.”
I’d spent half the night thinking about what Christian had done. “I’m not mad at you. In a way, I can understand why you didn’t tell me. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I trusted you, and it feels like that trust has been broken. The lie or the omission doesn’t hurt half as much as losing something we had. It wasn’t your secret to keep.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. I handled it all wrong.” He paused. “Can I come by and see you? I just need to know you’re okay.”
“I need some time, Christian.”
“Time apart from me?”
“It’s more just time for me. I spent the last two years learning to accept a family that might not even be my family now. I have a lot to figure out.”
“Okay. I get it.”
The line was quiet for a long time. “Take care, Christian.”
“Wait!” His voice sounded panicked. “There’s something else I’ve been keeping from you, and I don’t want any more secrets between us. This isn’t how I wanted to tell you, but I need you to hear it. I love you, Bella. And I don’t mean I’m falling in love with you. Falling is when you haven’t hit the ground yet, so there’s a chance you can catch yourself. I’ve fallen, hit the ground, and I never want to get up. I love you so much that it scares the living shit out of me. So I’ll give you the space you need, but you should know I’m not going anywhere. Not too long ago, I told you that if it ever got to be too much and you ran, I’d chase you. I still will, and I’ll catch you eventually.”
Tears streamed down my face.
“So I’m not saying goodbye,” he added. “I’m saying I’ll catch you later.”
CHAPTER 29
* * *
CHRISTIAN
I sat in my SUV across from her apartment, looking up.
It wasn’t the first time I’d done it, and it wouldn’t be the last at the rate things were going.
Two weeks had gone by since my birthday. The only times I’d seen Bella were when I parked a block away like a goddamn stalker just so I’d know she was physically okay. Emotionally was a different story. Neither one of us seemed to be handling that end of things too well. Bella had taken a leave of absence at work, and I’d lost my last two games. I’d broken down after a week and texted her, but I’d only received a sentence or two letting me know she was alive. Coach had been my only source of information. I’d avoided talking to him for a while, not knowing if Bella had told him anything or what I should or shouldn’t say myself. But then he’d reached out and reamed me a new asshole for not telling him what was going on with the cars and his granddaughter. He’d told me he and Bella were taking a DNA test to find out once and for all if John Barrett was her father. Those results were due back this week.
Miller had been spending a lot of time at Bella’s, so I wasn’t surprised when he walked out tonight at nine o’clock—though I hadn’t been expecting him to look straight at me as he exited. I sank down into my seat, hoping he hadn’t seen me, but before I could sneak a peek to see if he was gone, he opened the passenger door to my SUV and climbed in.
“Drive a block or two away.” He pointed up ahead. “I don’t want her to look out the window and see me talking to you.”
I started the car and pulled away from the curb. “Did you just see me on your way out, or you knew I was here the whole time?”
“I saw you down the block when we pulled up in the Uber. I’ve also seen you a few other times over the last couple of weeks.”
My eyes flashed to Miller and back to the road. “Does Bella know?”