And now I can move, and I do. I slip out through the swinging door and stare at it once I’m in the hall, fighting to catch my breath. “Out of order,” I announce to a pair of girls who approach with bags in hand. I point further down the hall to the nearest alternative bathrooms before almost running down the hall to my room and throwing my things inside. I then continue on, out the door, into the night. I can’t be here right now. It’s like I’m on the verge of… something sinister, an explosion. I’m out of balance, restless.
My feet carry me without my brain being too involved, and before long, I realize I’m on a familiar path. It’s the new moon, so there’s no light to show me where to go, but I don’t need it. I could make this walk blindfolded.
I follow the path my feet have worn over years of sneaking off to be alone, ready to strip off my clothes and wishing I could strip off my skin, too. I’m ready to burst out of it, like there’s acid churning in my gut, burning its way through my extremities.
At least I’m alone. I mean, I’m normally alone, but this is different. I’m alone because I want to be, breaking through the last cluster of bushes before coming to the shore of the lake. I’ve heard it’s man-made, filled decades ago by the humans who used to live here before the necromancers roused the vampires into war. It’s almost perfectly round, lined with pines and spruces that tower over the water and cast dark reflections along its surface.
Reflections which move and sway when a stiff breeze stirs the surface. The water ripples softly and laps at the banks. Beckoning me. There’s peace waiting. Calm.
I barely wait until I have all my clothes off before running in, letting the water envelop me before ducking my head under to block the world out. All is quiet now, with only the beating of my heart in my ears ruining the perfect silence and pitch darkness. Nobody’s watching. Nobody’s judging. Nobody’s waiting to see whether I’m finally going to prove my worth to my pack.
Nobody knows for sure how deep the lake goes. Kids always dare each other to dive as deep as they can go, but nobody has ever reached the bottom before needing to come up. I wonder if I could make it all the way down there… No, I don’t need to tempt fate more than I already do by simply surviving.
When my lungs start to burn, I surface, and the world comes back into focus. The cool water goes a long way toward lowering the temperature under my skin, and I don’t feel so much like I’m about to fall apart. I take a few long, slow strokes, cutting my way through the water and connecting with my body. I can turn off my brain when I’m swimming like this. There’s nothing to do but exist.
Once I’ve reached roughly the middle of the lake, I flip onto my back and float, staring up at the starry sky, wondering when my time will come—or if it ever will. Why hasn’t it happened yet? Will it? What is the rest of my life going to look like if I’m never able to shift? Who will have me? I’ll become an exiled wolf, without a mate, without a use for the pack.
If the stars have any answers, they’re not sharing them with me, and it’s getting late. The welcoming ceremony is going to start soon. I should get back before I’m missed. Not that my presence means anything, but I stick out like a sore thumb whether I’m around or not. I don’t want to give anybody yet another reason to get on my case.
Besides, I’m the beta’s daughter, and both my parents are on the council. I have to show my face even if it means attracting unwanted attention.
I’m reluctant as I begin to slowly breaststroke my way back to the shore. I’m about halfway there when I catch a scent in the air. It’s not a scent I recognize, either.
I slow, focusing on that scent. Whoever it is, I don’t want them to know they’ve been scented. I scan the shoreline but can’t see anyone, which tells me they’re lurking in the shadows. But just because I can’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there. The scent carrying to me on the night breeze makes goosebumps pebble my skin when it passes over me. I’m unarmed, of course, and I have no idea who this is or what they have in mind. If it was Dexter or one of the others, I would know what I’m in for and be able to prepare myself for it.