In my panic, I start for the lake, hoping to hide in the Forest, but what good will that do? I have to come out eventually if I’m not found. And all that will do is make me look guiltier.
But I can’t let him get a hold of me. He was going to kill me back there, I know he was, and I had to do something about it. I doubt claiming self-defense is going to count for much once Connor finds out. Of all the people for me to stab, it would be the son of the alpha.
It didn’t kill him, of course, and it won’t. He’ll heal—especially fast, being the next alpha of his pack. All I did was daze him and slow him down a little. If he isn’t already storming out of the building to find me now. The idea makes me peer over my shoulder, half expecting to see him burst outside, ready to kill for real this time. No hesitating, no threatening me, no acting like he wants to fuck me.
Where do I go? I don’t have the first idea. I don’t have a lot of friends around here, if at all. There are all kinds of little parties and gatherings going on tonight, the members of different packs meeting up and getting to know each other. It’s not something that’s normally done, but these are unusual times—Daniel’s words, accepted as gospel by the rest of the pack. I don’t know where any of them are. It’s not like I would have been invited to any. But if I could only find my sister, she might be able to help me.
No, that’s selfish. I can’t drag her into this. This is my problem. She’s already spent too many years defending me when she’s the younger sister. I should be the one protecting her. The best thing to do now if I want to protect her is to leave her out of it and let her have fun without knowing all the terrible mistakes I’ve made tonight.
But where else do I go? My parents’ house? I don’t even know if they’re home yet. And I don’t know if they would want to help me. Sure, they were beside themselves with happiness earlier and pretty much ignored the fact that I killed Dexter, but this isn’t Dexter. This is the son of an alpha, a future alpha himself. There won’t be any hugs or kisses or pats on the back.
What’s worse? Facing them, or facing him? I don’t even know his name, but I know he’s going to hunt me. And now that we’ve been so close, he’ll scent me with no problem.
I make it to the far end of the building and duck inside a doorway. This door is never used—it’s chained shut and padlocked, so there is no chance of him bursting out and surprising me. I lean against the rusty old door and fight to catch my breath. It isn’t physical exertion that has me ready to hyperventilate and maybe throw up while I’m at it. It’s pure terror. To think I thought everybody hated me before? They’re for sure going to kill me for this. There I was, thinking exile was the worst of my problems. Why did he have to show up and make things so much worse? The longer I stand here, the more questions I have. Why was he so worried about what I said to my father? Sasha already told me not to say anything, and of course, I didn’t. I’m not even sure what I would’ve said if anybody had given me the chance to get a word in edgewise earlier during the celebration. But now he’s on my case, too. It tells me that whatever happened earlier was even more monumental than it felt.
Just thinking about it as I look out for him makes me double over in pain. Like my muscles are cramping all at once. I don’t understand it, and I can’t ask anybody because nobody else is supposed to know. Eventually, somebody’s going to study the damage that was done to the makeshift hospital ward, and they’re going to know it was more than my first shift that caused it. Maybe it would’ve been better if Dexter had killed me before I shifted.
It’s not like this is the first time I’ve ever had a thought like that. There have been more nights than I can count spent alone in my twin bed, the laughter of other wolves hanging out next door or down the hall ringing in my ears while I tried to ignore the pain of my latest beating. It’s easy to start thinking dark thoughts at a time like that when no one is on your side, and you have nothing but a lifetime of pain ahead of you.