But fuck do I want to be.
Leaning in, I cup her face and rest my forehead against hers. I close my eyes and inhale her deliciously sweet smell.
“I imagine it was painful,” I say softly. “Like a dagger piercing your heart, crippling your ability to breathe. The pain so strong it hinders every thought, but still, you give in to the urge to be around that person. The thought of them encapsulates every free minute of your life, and you can’t stop imagining what they taste like or what they’re doing when you’re apart. The agony is so unbearable at times that you hate yourself for not being strong enough to walk away.”
“Liam…” she whispers softly, her fingers wrap around my wrists like a vise-grip, holding me in place.
“I know, Mads,” I say breathily when she doesn’t speak. “I won’t be selfish anymore.”
“Wait,” she hoarsely blurts when I attempt to drop my arms. “One more time.”
“What?” I ask, leaning back slightly to meet her gaze, trying to understand her words.
“I want you to be selfish one more time…” Maddie boldly states.
My breathing stops as I study her, wondering if she’s messing with me for hurting her so much. “What?” I exhale sharply. “Why?”
She straightens her back and licks her lips. “Because I want to be selfish, too.”
I blink, waiting for her to say she’s just kidding, but when she doesn’t, I close the gap and bring our mouths together.
Hot.
Hungry.
Desperate.
I slide my tongue between her soft lips, and when she releases a desperate moan, I bring my hands to her ass and lift her. Maddie wraps her legs around me, and my hard cock presses into her stomach as I carry us to the bed and lay her down in the middle.
Her hands are in my hair as our hips rock together, and I devour her mouth like it’s my last meal on death row. I don’t know if this is our goodbye for real this time, but this kiss will permanently ruin me for any future ones.
As I feather kisses down her jaw, she digs her heels into my ass and scraps her nails down my arms. “Maddie…stop doing that,” I demand, moving to her neck and sucking hard.
“I don’t want to,” she responds, tilting her head and giving me more access.
Our bodies grind together, and every inch of me burns for her. I want to give in to my apprehension and take her the way she’s always wanted, but it’d only complicate things more.
“We can’t, Mads,” I whisper and pull her earlobe between my teeth. “But don’t think I haven’t fucking thought about it a million times.”
“Why? Because you love her?”
I stop and push back, noticing her hurt expression. “I barely even like her.”
She swallows hard, piercing me with her ocean blue eyes. “Okay. I want to trust you, but you have to realize all this happening after my date makes me a little cautious since you’ve been so hot and cold this past year.”
Nodding, I lean down on one elbow so I don’t crush her and lie next to her. “I know.” I brush my fingers over her cheek, wanting to give her the whole world for the rest of our lives. Until this mess I’ve made is cleaned up, I’m taking it day by day. “Did you let him touch you?” I question, knowing she’s likely to smack me for asking.
“Hmm…maybe.” She waggles her brows, and my whole body tenses.
“That’s not even a little bit funny,” I growl, pulling her closer. “I’m gonna kick his ass if he comes to the house again.”
Maddie shoves my chest, but I capture her wrist and wrap her arm around my waist. “Do you believe me?” I ask softly, needing confirmation.
“That your marriage is a sham?” she questions, and I nod. After pausing for a beat, she responds. “Well, it makes more sense than you actually falling in love.”
I pop a brow. “Wow, thanks.”
Maddie shrugs with a grin. “Can you tell me why it was arranged at least?”
Shaking my head, I frown.
She sucks in her lower lip. “Then maybe it’s best you leave. My mind is kinda spinning right now.”
My throat goes dry, but I understand her hesitation. I’ve given her no reason to trust me, but the fact that she’s not throwing me out is a plus. At least she asked nicely.
“Probably a good idea…” I admit, pushing off the mattress before lowering myself and stealing one final kiss. She doesn’t shove me away, and when her tongue dances with mine, I release a moan.
“You’re not convincing me that you agree,” she says softly, but I hear the smile in her voice as my lips trail down her throat.
“Fuck, Maddie.” I groan, then stand. Brushing a hand through my hair, I battle internally with staying and talking this out, but there isn’t anything more to say. I’m asking a lot for her to believe me with what little I did tell her, but that’s all I can offer. “Sorry for implying you and Officer Idiot fooled around.”