I yanked my arm out of his grasp. “Yes,” I said hoarsely. “I was in love with one boy, and he used me for sex to get over his cheating ex-girlfriend.”
Ash’s mouth dropped open at my admission. At the lie that I’d told him all those years ago after we hooked up. He’d never known the truth about how I really felt about him. About how my entire world revolved around his perfect, chiseled jaw and bright blue eyes and big, romantic heart. How one look from him could change my entire life.
And I hadn’t wanted him to know. I’d wanted him to think that we’d had a good time and it hadn’t mattered. But it was out in the open, and I regretted it with everything in my being. Now, he had all the power again.
“You didn’t love me,” he said as a defense.
“You don’t get to tell me how I feel.”
“Feel,” he said softly. “Present tense.”
“Felt,” I corrected.
But it was a lie.
We both knew it was.
“Mia,” he said softly, “I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything.”
I took off his peacoat and tossed it back to him. He caught it with one hand. There was so much pain in his eyes, and I hated being responsible for it. But now, all of my secrets were out in the world. He had every single one.
If I could go back in time and change anything, I would have kept at least that I loved him to myself. But I still would have told him the truth about Lila. He needed to hear it from someone. Even if it didn’t make a difference.
14
Savannah
June 15, 2019
Derek pulled on the jacket to his suit. “How do I look?”
I shrugged. “Good.”
“Good, Mia?” he asked. Derek turned in a circle with a smirk. “I look better than good.”
“If you say so,” I joked.
He always cut a sharp figure in a suit. He knew that.
“What are you wearing anyway? You can’t go to the wedding like that.”
I was sitting around in jean shorts and a pink crop top. My hair was in a messy bun on the top of my head. This absolutely was not wedding appropriate. “I know.”
“Did you design something for it? You haven’t said anything about it.”
I shook my head. That was a definite no. “I’m not going.”
Derek jerked his head away from the mirror, where he’d been adjusting his bow tie. “What are you talking about? It’s Ash.”
“Yep.”
Ash Talmadge was marrying Lila Greer today at the church we’d all grown up in. It was the event of the season from what I’d heard. People coming in and out of the shop had all been discussing what to wear to it. The church was going to be packed full with some four hundred guests. But I wasn’t going to be one of them.
“He’s my best friend, and you’ve known him your entire life.”
“Well aware, brother mine.”
Derek crossed his arms over his broad chest. “Marley is a bridesmaid. It’s not going to be fucking easy for me.”
He and Marley were on the outs of course since he’d married Kasey.
“Okay,” I said with an unconcerned shrug.
“And I know you’ve had a crush on Ash since you were a kid, but it’s his wedding day.”
“This has nothing to do with how I ever felt about him. I am not going to watch him marry Lila.”
“And why not? Because you’re jealous?”
“Fuck you,” I spat.
Derek’s eyebrows rose. We joked around a lot and cajoled each other. We were still siblings after all. But we were never actually mean. He’d touched on a nerve, and now, he knew it.
He sank down into the seat next to me. “What’s this about?”
“Ash knows exactly how I feel about this thing with Lila.”
“And what is that?”
“That he’s an idiot for getting back together with someone who cheated on him,” I said hotly. “That’s not love.”
Derek sighed. “Is this about Dad?”
I jumped out of my seat. My face hot as a brand. “No!”
“Mia,” he said consolingly, “I’m not attacking you. Sit back down and talk to me about this. I know things with you and Dad have been shit for a long time. He cheated on Mom. She left because of him. He married Kathy.”
“I know all of that,” I said, suddenly feeling fragile. “And I love Kathy. I don’t blame her.”
“You blame him.”
I turned away from him. I did. I did blame Dad for what had happened. He was the one with wedding vows. He was the one who had ruined our lives for a younger woman. “So?”
“And now, you’re blaming Lila and punishing Ash for it.”
“He’s making a mistake,” I told Derek.
“He’s still your friend. Friends make mistakes, and sometimes, we have to stick by them, even when you think they’re making a mistake,” Derek said. “I don’t want to go. There’s no lost love between me and Delilah Greer.” I winced at the sound of Lila’s full name. “She hurt my friend. But he loves her, and so I’ll stand by him, no matter what. You should too. Even if you’re still mad at Dad.”