She shrugs, finally looking at me. “I doubt it would’ve helped. I didn’t see what was right in front of me, and by the time I did, it was too late. I felt trapped and knew getting out would be hard, impossible even. I pushed everyone away because I was ashamed and afraid he’d hurt you all too.”
“None of it was your fault,” I reassure her. “I’m sorry it’s haunting you in your sleep.”
“It started last week, which is weird because they didn’t start right away. But this one felt a little too real. Makes me feel like he’ll just show up and finish the job of what he wanted to do to me and you.”
There’s a tear that she tries to wipe away, but I cup her face with both hands, then kiss her forehead. “I’m here. He’s never going to hurt you again.”
She nods, then takes me by surprise when she wraps her arms around me and pulls me close. “I’m so thankful for you, Mason.” Sophie hugs me as if I’ll disappear the minute she lets go.
Fuck, I want to say so much to her right now. Tell her how sorry I am for treating her the way I did before, for not seeing how amazing she is, for not being strong enough to work through my own shit back then so I could give us a proper chance. All the what-ifs, the coulda-beens that I’m constantly pushing away.
“I’m here, Soph. Always,” I tell her when she releases me. “Move over.” I nod my head toward her bed so she understands what I’m doing. Maybe it’s selfish, but it’s for her too.
Sophie scoots to the far side of the bed, and I slide in behind her. I wrap my arms around her as she rests her head on my chest, and I hold her as though we’re more than just friends.
After a half an hour, I still can’t sleep. My mind is way too alert that Sophie is tucked into my body. She’s flipped over so my chest is to her back, and we’re spooning. I haven’t done this in years…since Emma. It brings a lot of emotions to the surface, but these are different. I like how it feels to hold Sophie. To touch her. My hand on her stomach rubs against her bare skin from where her shirt slid up. She’s so soft and smooth, and my heart pounds at the intimacy of it all. I should stop, get out of her bed, and go to my own room now that she’s sound asleep again, but I don’t just yet.
I reluctantly leave before her alarm goes off and take another long shower before I go to work. I’m dead ass tired but regret nothing. Holding her for hours was just as much for her as it was for me. I wanted to give her more time after Weston’s death and the shitstorm relationship he caused, but my willpower is ready to snap as I keep my feelings tucked away. I can no longer pretend, no longer hold back the feelings screaming to come out, and can no longer pretend I don’t deserve her anymore.
But I’m not sure she’s ready to hear my truths.
Chapter Twenty-One
Mason
Sophie’s been running around the house all day, cleaning, cooking, and stressing over all these tiny details. I can’t tell if it’s just nerves or if it’s a coping mechanism. I’ve asked if I can help with anything a dozen times, and she gives me stupid little tasks such as making sure my room is clean. When I asked her why it mattered, I got some half-ass reasoning as she waved me away.
It’s to a point where I’m a little worried so I go against my better judgment and text her sisters in case I should be concerned or if this is just something she does.
Mason: Your sister is cleaning like a mad woman. Is this her normal nervous behavior?
Lennon: What kind of cleaning are we talking here?
Maddie: Well, she does live with two guys. I’d be cleaning like a crazy person too.
I roll my eyes at her jab.
Mason: Well, she’s currently mopping the ceiling…
Maddie: Oh shit.
Mason: What?
Lennon: That’s level red.
Mason: Meaning what?
Lennon: She’s gone manic.
Maddie: Without even having to take the good stuff.
Mason: What the fuck are you two talking about? English, please!
Lennon: You know when a person takes Adderall who doesn’t need it so instead of it calming them down, it does the opposite effect? That’s Sophie without even having to take meds.
I’m growing more uneasy with each text they send back.
Mason: What triggers it? Nerves?
Lennon: Stress, anxiety, emotional breakdown.
Maddie: It’s happened a few times before.
Mason: WTF? So what am I supposed to do? How do I help her?
Lennon: Honestly, you’re better off just leaving her alone and letting it run its course. She pretends to be strong for so long before her emotions just bubble over and she’s forced to deal with it. She goes a little manic in the process.