“What? No!”
“So you looked at me and thought: yeah, he’ll be good for cuddles. Be straight with me, Faith.”
“I am. I just needed somewhere to be away from Dad. You were the first person I saw that I knew, okay? Don’t get cocky.”
“He told you about the video.” Not a question—a realization. “And now what? You trying to decide if you can forgive him?”
“You were in the Vipers. Just… help me understand.” I wring my hands, struggling to sit still. I want to curl up into a ball and cling to myself until I’m done coming apart, but would Blade just see that as weakness? “Where does all the violence end?”
“I don’t fucking know. Does it ever? But you thinking you can judge Eagle-eye is bullshit. Unless you’ve lived a man’s life, don’t pretend to understand his choices.”
“Like yours?” I point to the tattoo on his side. “This used to be a viper. I remember you.”
His eyebrows go up in surprise. For once, I’m the one that shocks him, and it feels good.
“I didn’t at first, because it was a lifetime ago, but I was just old enough to start noticing that the younger prospects were kind of cute.”
He jerks back. “What are you fucking talking about? You were achild.”
“Duh. I didn’t want to jump your bones. I was ten, for cripes’ sake. But if you don’t think ten year old girls notice cute teenage boys, you’re going to be in for a shock if you ever have kids.”
“I never even fucking spoke to you. All I remember is that Eagle-eye had a kid, because most of the older guys didn’t bring their families around, or maybe they just didn’t give a shit about them.”
“What happened?” I ask, gesturing to his scar covered torso.
“Life. Death. I played the cards I was dealt. You think your daddy has a few dark secrets? Those are the only kind I got.”
He laughs when I don’t know how to respond. “I’m so fucking sorry. Did I ruin your perfect image of me? What? You thought I was one of those hero types? Dark and brooding but always doing the right fucking thing? Little girl, I’ve almost never done the right fucking thing.”
“Don’t call me that.”
He takes a step closer, so he’s looming over me. “Don’t fucking judge us,” he growls. “Not until you’re willing to see us for who we are, not just what we’ve done.”
With a surge of bravery I didn’t know I had in me, I shove him. Or I try to. He captures my wrists easily and holds my hands over my head as he glowers down at me. His grip is iron, hot and immovable. I snarl in frustration. “How do you live with yourself?”
“Day by fucking day, princess. Every second, every choice, I go forwards because when you stop? You die.” His look is haunted, making me feel a kind of… pity? It’s dumb, because it’s not like he couldn’t just have chosen not to do horrible things.
“Is it worth it?”
“Ask your daddy,” Blade snaps. His face is only inches from mine, and with my hands over my head, I’m helplessly strung up before him. There’s fury in his furrowed gaze, but also something else. Something that makes me shiver with anticipation.
“I’m asking you.”
“I don’t need your fucking absolution.”
“But you want it.” Suddenly I’ve never been so sure of something in my life. Why we feel like oil and water but I can’t stay away. “You want to know it was worth it.”
“You seem to think you know a lot about what I fucking want.”
“I know exactly what you want.”
“Shut the fuck up,” he growls, just before he kisses me.
21
FAITH
His kiss is rough,furious, claiming me while he holds me in place. My first instinct is to pull away, but there’s nowhere to go.