However tired he looked a second ago, my words age him another ten years. He looks like he just bit into a lemon, but he leans back in the chair and nods. “Ask your questions.”
“I just want you to make it make sense. Explain how my father isn’t a murderer. Youknowwhat happened to us. Were you ever any better? Are you the reason we were attacked in the first place?” The words burn like acid as they come out, and I’m glad, because I need them to hurt so I don’t cry.
“Where is it? Did the others watch with you?” he asks.
“Does it matter?”
“Yeah, it fucking matters! That tape is what kept you and your mother safe so you could grow up away from all of this shit!”
“Are you serious? What kept me safe was Mom! She got us out of that place and gave me the chance at a normal life. Something real!”
He shakes his head. “This isn’t a fucking fairy tale. We both played our parts. It fucking killed me that I couldn’t give you either of you what you needed, so I did what I had to do to make it safe for you to run. You’re smart as hell, Faith, but you were a fucking child back then. You didn’t know shit.”
“Then explain it to me!” A rogue tear leaks out of the corner of my eye.
“Will you listen?”
“I’ll try.”
He goes to the kitchen, ignores the freshly brewed coffee and grabs a beer from the fridge, taking a deep swig before coming back and sinking into the chair with a haunted expression. “I was a different man when I joined the Pit Vipers. It was always a shit club, but I suppose I was a bit of a shit back then, too. We fit. They got worse, though, and after I met your mother and we had you, I saw it more clearly.”
“The love of a good woman,” I say dryly. “Who you let walk away.”
He laughs softly. “Something like that. She always deserved better. We weren’t good for each other, but I’m glad she’s doing all right. I tried to make some changes back then, and let’s just say not everyone agreed. You wanna know if I’m the reason those assholes came to the house that night? Yeah, I fucking was.”
The confirmation stabs through me like a knife. I always knew that it was their lifestyle that was the general reason for the break-in, but I tried not to think about why it actually happened.
“You killed them, and someone had to pay. I guess you didn’t think it would be us.”
“What? No! Those bastards I shot that night were the ones that broke into our house. They fucking deserved everything they got and I’d do it all over again if it kept you safe and took the people who terrorized you out of this world.”
My blood turns to ice as bad memories come flooding back. Screams, gunshots, a backhand across my face that I can still feel the burn of, the way my skin bled after they pulled off the tape used to keep me out of the way. Mom screaming as they taunted and beat her. More than ten years later. I shouldn’t be terrified, not in here with Dad, and Alpha, Ripper and Blade downstairs, but being here? It’s not the same but it brings everything back to the surface.
I close my eyes, breathe very deliberately, then try to continue the conversation. “But you saved us. You chased them away. Did you really have to kill them?”
“You’ve got a lot of sympathy for a couple of fucks who don’t deserve to even be remembered. You were fucking ten years old.” He’s nearly shouting now. “You see one thing you don’t like and you think you know everything about me? It fuckingkilledme to let you and your momma go, but I did what I had to do to make sure you were safe and nobody would be looking your way when you left.”
“Wh—what do you mean?”
Dad gets quiet and leans closer, his clear eye completely focused on me. “I was up to my neck in filth, Faith. If I’d stayed any longer I would’ve drowned, and taken the both of you with me. You think I’m an idiot who doesn’t know about fucking security cameras? So long as the Vipers had that tape, they knew I couldn’t say or do shit to move against them. I paid my dues, got the fuck out and came here, where I could make something that let me sleep at night.”
It’s too much. My brain can’t even wrap around how messed up everything Dad just said was. “But…”
“But what?”
“You didn’t come back to us,” I whisper.
His expression softens. “I couldn’t, baby. It took me a long time to get to where I am now. Your momma needed a clean break, and you needed each other more than you needed a fucked upmurderer. Ask your new pal Blade. It’s not easy walking away. The darkness clings.”
“What? Was Blade involved?” A sudden, terrifying thought occurs to me. I’ve been traveling with him the whole way here, and the way he responded when we argued…
“Not like that. He was still fresh when this all went down, but—it doesn’t matter. His story is his story to tell and I’m going to mind my own fucking business.”
I’m exhausted and sore, and this is all too big for me right now. I push myself off the couch so suddenly Dad startles. “I need a break. I’m not leaving, but I can’t handle this right now.”
He looks like he has more to say, but he stops himself. “Okay. We can talk when you’re ready. Take my bed. I’ll take the couch.”
“I’m actually going to find the guys.” I don’t know exactly when they started to feel safe, but they do. My world has been flipped upside down and right now Alpha, Ripper and even Blade are the only people I trust by my side.