She glances down at her hands. “I see myself every day. I know what I look like.”
I lean closer to her. “Are you ashamed of the bruises?”
“They’re ugly.”
“No, they’re not ugly. You are not ugly. Those bruises are temporary.”
“The crooked nose? The scar on my mouth?”
“They prove that you’ve lived. Anyone that thinks they’re ugly doesn’t deserve eyes.”
She smiles at me like she doesn’t know what to think. “You treat me like I’m garbage half the time. Why are you saying nice things right now?”
“I know what it feels like to be angry and think you’re worth nothing. I don’t know, maybe I pity you.”
“I don’t need or want your pity. I just want to meet my sister.”
“The answer is still no.” I stand and head inside to refill my glass. She follows me, looking angry now.
“What if I offer to help you?”
I pause at the kitchen counter. “How could you do that?”
“You know who my parents were. Especially my mother. You’re trying to work with them, aren’t you? Le Milieu?”
I don’t look at her. If I look at her right now, I might betray how I’m feeling and I don’t want her to know. This is tempting—obscenely tempting—but it’s a terrible idea. I’m supposed to be keeping her safe, but if I take her up on this offer, I’d be putting her directly into danger.
She may be related to one of the most notorious thieves Le Milieu ever produced, and her half-sister may be a member of the gang, but that doesn’t mean she’d be safe from their wrath if something went wrong.
“Think about what you’re offering,” I say after I finish refilling my glass and pouring one for her. She accepts it when I hand it over. “You want to insert yourself into a negotiation between two very dangerous crime organizations. Negotiations that very well could turn against us unless we play this perfectly. Why would you do that? Just to meet a sister you’ve never known?”
“Yes, that’s exactly it.”
“Then the answer is still no.” I move past her to the balcony, but she grabs my wrist. I stand there, staring at her fingers like I want to break them off, because otherwise I’ll grab her arm and bend it behind her back and kiss those lips hard enough to make them bleed. I’ll drown in her taste and bask in her moans, and I don’t want to go down that road. She’s temporary, only temporary, but this job could mean something big for my future.
I’ve toiled under my father and uncle for too long. I’ve let them start wars, get men killed, throw themselves into death and destruction without much thought for the soldiers on the ground for too many years. I’m tired of letting men that don’t know the lives they’re ruining make decisions for dozens and dozens of people.
This is the first step toward my own family. Toward real independence.
I want it more than I’ve ever wanted something before.
For all the dead I’ve lost. All the friends I couldn’t save.
If I had real power—real strength—I could save them. And one day, I will.
But for now, I have this.
Slowly, she releases my arm. “I’m not a child. You don’t have to protect me.”
“You’re a job, little princess, and I don’t fail.”
“Then think of it this way. If you let me meet my sister and get involved in this negotiation, you’ll be able to keep me nice and close.”
“I said no. Let it go.”
“I’m not going to. What do you want from me? Do you want money? I can fund your entire operation.”
I show her my teeth. “I don’t give a shit about your money. That’s not why I’m doing this.”