“But whatever her reasons,” she went on, “she’s never lived on her own, has never been to any school where she wasn’t protected by iron gates. She’s smart but sheltered. And if she has to manage her own money and be all by herself there with no family support…that’s a lot. People might take advantage of her.”
Auden’s stomach twisted at the thought of O’Neal being out there in the world with no support from anyone. That was like sending a lamb into the lion’s den. “I can’t believe they just cut her off.”
“I told her that she could call us if she ever needed help, and I gave her some money as a graduation gift to help augment whatever financial aid she’s getting. And, of course, she’s always welcome at our house for holiday breaks and things, but there’s only so much I can do. I’m not going to be up there. You are,” she said. “I want you to look out for her. Be the big brother she doesn’t have.”
He groaned inwardly. A big brother who’d stuck his tongue down her throat. He didn’t want this job. He didn’t want to be responsible for anyone. But what else was he supposed to do? O’Neal was partly in this situation because of his brilliant pep talk for her to stand up for herself. He was glad she had, but he hadn’t thought through what those consequences would look like for her when she did. “I’ll keep an eye on her.”
His mother smiled and patted his cheek affectionately. “Thank you. I’ll feel much better knowing she has you there. You’re a good boy.”
He tried not to cringe at the term.
“I can’t believe I have to roomwith a stranger,”Maya said dramatically and flopped onto her bed. “Does it make me a horrible person if I’m secretly hoping O’Neal’s experiment fails and she comes running back to me?”
A dark thread of temptation wound through Auden at the thought. Maybe thatwouldbe for the best. Maybe he shouldn’t make it so easy for O’Neal to be at Bennette. Maybe she was better off here after all.
Safe. Protected. Away from him.
* * *
O’Neal had never felt so alonein such a big crowd. The dorm hallway was packed with people and their families. Girls were chattering. Moms were hugging their daughters. Dads were dabbing their eyes as they left out the front door. And O’Neal had a backpack and a pile of boxes in her car outside.
She’d known this wouldn’t be easy, doing this alone, but she hadn’t anticipated the hollow ache in her chest. Not that her grandparents weren’t here. She was still too mad at them to want to see them right now. But that hermomwasn’t here. That the only first day of school her mom had ever gotten to bring her to was kindergarten, and O’Neal only had a vague memory of that. She could picture the rainbow painted on the kindergarten classroom wall more vividly than her mother’s face. But she did remember that her mom had cried when it was time to leave her there. O’Neal had told her it was going to be okay.
That was one of the last memories she had of her mom. She’d moved in with Nana and Pop by then so that her mom could come here to Bennette to try and finish her education. After having O’Neal at sixteen, her mom had gotten her G.E.D. and a receptionist job, but she’d wanted more. Nana and Pop had agreed to take care of O’Neal so that her mom could get her degree and a better future for them both. But a few months later, her mom had been gone. Just like that. Not a better future. No future at all.
Had her mother felt this overwhelmed when she’d first arrived on campus?
O’Neal doubted it. From everything she’d heard, her mom had been one of those people who everyone wanted to be around. Outgoing. Popular. Pretty. She’d probably made friends with half the campus by the end of her first week.
O’Neal cringed inwardly. She was listing things she’d heard in true crime documentaries. Like her mother was some character, the Party Girl, who was going out every night and inviting whoever into her bed, instead of an actual person. Her memories were tainted by the media’s portrayal. She closed her eyes. Breathed. Tried to wipe the thoughts out of her head.
“Excuse me.”
Someone bumped into her and her eyes flew open. “Oh, sorry.”
A blond girl rolled her eyes as she passed her. “You’re in the middle of the hallway.”
Another group of girls navigated around her, jostling her, and O’Neal quickly moved to the side. She was supposed to be finding her room, but suddenly she couldn’t catch her breath. The walls seemed too close, the voices too loud. She spun back toward the main entrance and made a beeline for the door. When the sunshine and fresh air hit her face, she finally took a breath. She got out of the way of all the parents with boxes and walked around the side of the building, finding an unoccupied bench.
She pulled off her backpack and collapsed onto the bench, feeling like every decision she’d made over the last few months had been wrong. How did she ever think she could do this? She’d gone to school with the same people since she was five. Even if she wasn’t popular, she at least knew her classmates. She wasn’t living among strangers. She imagined Maya four hours away in some well-appointed room at Wainwright. The comfort of doing this move-in with her today would’ve been such a relief. Getting their room organized, making plans, laughing at inside jokes.
She lowered her head and pressed the heels of her hands against her brow bone, a headache forming. Her grandparents had known. They’d known this would happen, that she wasn’t ready for something like this. They were probably waiting by the phone, expecting her to call any minute and ask them to let her come back home. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked at it. The temptation was a strong, pulsing thing. With one phone call, she could undo this insanity. She could go to Wainwright. Live with Maya. Study…English.
She groaned and stared at her blank phone screen like it had the answers, but her fingers didn’t move. Not yet. She couldn’t call them yet.
She flipped the phone over and shifted to put it back in her pocket, but it vibrated in her hand. She turned it over, expecting a check-in text from Maya, but it was aHeyfrom a number she didn’t recognize.
She frowned and unlocked the phone. It was probably a wrong number or spam. It vibrated again.
Unknown: It’s Auden. Are u on campus yet? Mom said u might need some help moving in
Auden.Auden was texting her. Butterflies crashed around in her stomach. She hadn’t spoken to him since the kiss and had made a point not to be around when he was home on break. He’d made her feel like such a dumb kid that day. But he’d also been the inspiration for this trip down insanity lane. This was his fault.
The awkwardness was going to be off the charts, but right now, knowinganyonefelt better than sitting on the bench alone. Plus, they’d have to clear out the awkwardness at some point anyway. They’d see each other on campus.
She bit her bottom lip, steeling herself, and typed.
O’Neal: Hey. Yeah, I’m here. And that’d be great. I’m in Redmond – the honors dorm on the north side of campus