25
Goldie
“Tell me again why you are so adamant about this,” Rye said the next day as he turned off the ignition, turning to look at me.
“We’ve gone over this a dozen times,” I said, a bit exasperated that it was necessary to go over it yet again. “Because it is the right thing to do. You cannot arrange a service over the telephone.”
“I—none of us have set foot in a church since we were kids,” Banks said from his seat on my other side.
I shook my head. “Maybe none of you have, but Kit went whenever she could. She found the rituals, the quiet, calming,” I said, passing along a piece of information their sister had shared with me, and deciding to add a bit of my own. “I’m sure she lit a few candles for each of you, so the least you can do is get out of the truck, go inside, and talk to the priest.”
“Easy for you to say,” Jay said from the backseat. “What are we supposed to tell him? ‘Excuse me, Father, no confession will clear my soul. I’m beyond absolution but Kit was pure… an angel. So maybe you can see fit to allow us to hold her service here?’”
“That’s perfect, Jay,” I said. “And, just so you know, no one is ever beyond God’s absolution, but since I’m a mere mortal, a sinner, if the three of you don’t get out of this truck right now, it might be a very long time before I forgive you.”
They climbed from the truck, Banks lifting me down. We walked into the beautiful church. It was clearly old, the stones chiseled by hand, the wooden pews crafted of dark wood, gleaming with oil and worn smooth by generations of worshippers. A man walked toward us, and I smiled. He reminded me of my grandfather. His hair was silver, his eyes blue, and his smile kind.
“Welcome,” he said, extending his hand. “It’s been far too long since I’ve seen you boys. I’m just sorry it has to be under such sad circumstances.”
The brothers might have been reluctant, but I’d known how very much they’d needed to do this. I had no doubt the church would never have refused to hold a service for Kit, but having them here, in a place where they could speak to a man of the cloth, to remember that God did not judge, was the first step to heal the deep wound, the hurt they all were feeling. Each of them visibly began to relax after shaking Father O’Leary’s hand. The priest took us into his office where we began the sad duty of planning Kit’s funeral.
“Thank you,” Rye said as we returned to the truck an hour later.
I stood on tiptoe to press a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you. I know how difficult this is, for all of you,” I said, turning to include my other two men.
“You are making it easier,” Jay said, his brothers nodding in agreement.
Two days later, we were back at the church. The sun was streaming through the stained-glass windows lining both side walls of the church as well as the large round window high above the altar. Bands of color fell over the white coffin, painting the hundreds of white lilacs soft yellows, blues, greens, purples, and rose. The scent of flowers hung in the air from the dozens of arrangements lining the front of the church and every pew was full. The entire town had turned out to say their last farewell to one of their own.
My fingers twisted together, my heart aching in my chest, but I was determined to show a brave face, to support Rye as he stood up from the pew where we were all seated. He was the patriarch of the family. Had faced difficult situations, made hard decisions, but I knew that right now, he was facing the toughest moment of his life. The church was silent, the sorrow palpable as he walked up the steps and turned to face the mourners. The pain was etched into his very being, his face drawn, his eyes haunted, the aching loss of his baby sister visible to all. After a moment, he unfolded a piece of paper, placing it on the lectern before him. But when he began to speak, his eyes weren’t focused on the words he’d written. They were looking at the coffin, each word spoken not to those seated in the church, but to the young woman who lay on a bed of white satin.
“From the moment you were born, Kit, you were our… our angel. Even when we brought ugliness into our home, you chose not to focus on it. You chose to believe people are kind… good to one another. I never heard you say a single harsh word about anyone. I watched you grow up, so full of joy, your smile so beautiful, your happiness so pure. When we lost our parents, we saw your heart break and yet, again, you chose to find the joy in knowing they hadn’t left us for good… that they are simply waiting until we’re together again. I-I’ve done nothing in my life to deserve the love you gave me… the life you sacrificed for me. I will never be able to… to forgive myself.” His voice broke and his eyes closed, his knuckles white where they clutched the edge of the lectern.
As one, his brothers stood and went to him, touching him, offering him their support. Banks didn’t even glance at the paper. His gaze swept the church, his voice strong and sure.
“Kit was not only our sister. She was the very best of us. Any goodness in our lives existed because of her. Kit was the very light to our darkness. Rye is right… we didn’t deserve her… but, God, we thank you for blessing us with the kindest, most loving sister we could ever have. We loved her with all of our hearts.” He paused and turned to Rye, lifting his hand to his older brother’s shoulder. “You know what Kit would say. There is nothing for you to forgive. She loved you… loved us, and all we can do is promise we will never forget her and try to earn the unconditional love she gave us every day she was with us.”
Silent tears slid down my cheeks as I listened to them. It was the most heartbreaking eulogy I’d ever witnessed and yet so heartwarming at the same time. Their love shone through every word they spoke.
Watching her brothers, all dressed in black suits, carry the casket down the aisle was hard and yet I knew though many had volunteered, they’d insisted on being the ones to do so. Each one wishing to honor the young woman they loved so much and who had died far too young. The ride to the cemetery was quiet, the four of us sharing the limo that drove behind the hearse.
Once at the cemetery, I stood with my family, my eyes closing, not in an attempt to stop the tears as they were from my heart, but to allow the music to wash over me as the bagpipes played and a young woman sangAmazing Grace. I’d never heard anything so heartrending… so sad and yet so beautiful and it touched my soul. I opened my eyes as the last note wafted to the heavens and finally was able to give a soft smile, imagining Kit among the angels, looking down on us.
As we each stepped forward to place a rose on top of the casket, I laid my palm on the glossy surface and knew that though she was gone, she’d never really leave us. Our love for her would assure she’d always be with us.
26
Goldie– Ten Months Later
I lifted my face to the sun, the warmth and the breeze washing over me. The sky was robin’s egg blue, the sound of the sea providing a soothing, rhythmic sound in the background. I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful spot for a final resting place. Turning, I smiled, watching my men walking toward me. They were no longer just my family. They were now my husbands. Law dictated I marry only one, so while Father O’Leary had signed a marriage license with only my and Rye’s name on it, my heart had Banks and Jay’s names inscribed on it as well.
I would never forget the day they’d first said they loved me. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t felt their love in their touch, their looks, their contentment, but they’d never said the actual words.
One day, they’d asked me to accompany them on a walk, something we often enjoyed. It was edging toward dusk as we walked up and over a small grassy hill. I squinted to block out the sunlight, cocking my head as I tried to make out what it was I was seeing. What I saw had my mouth dropping open. Five perfectly aligned rows spread out before me. Young trees stood tall in vividly colored pots. The movement I had seen was from the white ribbons wrapped around each small trunk.
I stared at the trees with bewilderment and awe before turning to find my men staring at me. “They are simply beautiful.”
Rye took a deep breath, pointing to the row on the left. “Those are lemon trees. Kit told us you loved fresh lemons.”