“Are you okay, Dani?” Ashtyn asked once I shut the door. I guess the room was more of a den, but there were enough books to qualify as a library. We sat on the couch in front of the fireplace, and I tried to calm my racing heart.
You can do this, dummy. It was your idea in the first place…
“I have to be honest with you. I sort of…wanted to talk for selfish reasons. You may not evenwantto talk to me about what happened, but I was hoping that you wouldn’t mind listening?”
“Of course. Anything. I haven’t told anyone my entire story except for West, and even that was somewhat abridged,” she cringed.
“You haven’t talked to a professional?”
“No. West wants me to see a therapist, but I’m worried I’ll slip and say who did it. The police thinkheran away because of the sex scandal. I don’t want to inadvertently draw attention.”
“I get that,” I said quietly.
“Do you have nightmares?”
I nodded. “Sometimes. They aren’t as bad as they used to be.”
“Same. I know I’m safe now but some nights…”
“It’ll get better.”
Ash smiled and nodded. “Tell me what happened.”
There were a few details about my story that had to be omitted. I took a deep breath before starting. “I went to this stupid, fancy event when I was fifteen. It was a masquerade ball and I was dressed in this ridiculous white dress with a matching mask. It was the first time I was invited to a ball, and I was…so excited to go. I had a great time. At least at first.”
Ashtyn put her hand on my knee and her eyes were already filled with tears. Mine were dry because I’d shed everything I had to give. I wasn’t sad about what happened anymore because it destroyed me. It took my fractured soul and shattered it into pieces.
“Someone drugged me. When I woke up, I was in a weird place. At first I thought it was a basement because it was so dark and damp and musty. But um…when I woke up, I was naked and there was a man inside of me.”
She gasped and put her hand over her mouth. “Oh my god.”
“I was groggy from whatever he drugged me with, but the pain…the pain was some of the worst I’ve ever felt. I’d never had sex before.”
“You were a virgin?”
I nodded and bit the inside of my cheek. “He got off on that. He loved that he was myfirst. That he made me bleed.”
“Did you know him?”
“No. He wore a mask the entire time. So did his friend.”
“There were two?”
“At least. They kept giving me drugs so I would stop fighting as they took turns. For a long time, it was all a blur. And then memories started appearing from that night. I’ve…I’ve never told anyone before.”
“Oh, Dani. I’m so sorry you went through that. I’m so sorry you never told anyone about it,” Ashtyn cried as she clung to me. “Why didn’t you tell anyone? Couldn’t you have told your dad?”
Definitely not him.
“They knew my family. They knew the Morettis. The leader–the one who did all the talking–said he would kill my brother. He said he would take my best friend Gemma and…and do to her what he did to me.”
Ashtyn hugged me again and I hugged her back. Her warmth was blanketing. I wasn’t used to it. The only time I felt it was with…
“What I went through wasn’t anything like that,” Ashtyn said as she pulled away from our hug.
“You were violated, Ashtyn. Just because he didn’t rape you doesn’t mean he didn’t hurt you.”
She wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Is that why you–when we met, you told me that you hurtbad men.”