“That was closure,” I told him.
He studied me a moment, but didn’t ask anything else. He simply nodded and patted my shoulder. “Go enjoy the quiet. Tomorrow will look brighter.”
I hoped he was right. I didn’t see how that was possible.
MY EYES FLEW OPEN. THE darkness from outside was still casting the moonlight through my window and across my room. Reaching for my phone, I saw it was only two in the morning. I’d only been asleep for three hours. Sitting up, I looked around to see if something had woken me. I’d been dreaming, but in my dream, there had been a sound. One that made me pause and wake up.
I was on the top floor of a very secure building. Someone breaking in was incredibly unlikely. And even if an intruder broke into the building, Mack and Marty would have heard and intercepted them on the ground floor. I felt safe here, but I was sure a sound had woken me.
Footsteps in the hallway wasn’t what I expected to hear next. Jumping out of bed, I hurried to the bedroom door and swung it open without thinking who it might be or if I should be calling for help. I’d always been the one to go charging head first at danger to protect Heidi. It was instinct that drove me.
None of that mattered because it was Stone who stood in the dark hallway. I was relieved. It was highly unlikely someone had broken in, I just wasn’t expecting him back for a few days according to Marty.
“You’re home,” I said as our eyes met.
“Yes,” his reply was deep. As if he’d been sleeping. Which he couldn’t have since he’d just arrived. Or at least I thought he had.
“I didn’t know you went out of town until today.” Why I said that, I don’t know. He was returning home and here I was pushing him. I feared he’d leave again. I wanted to cover my mouth, and run and hide in the room.
“I needed to think,” he said still watching me. He was searching for something in my eyes, my expression—I wasn’t sure. I felt almost naked from his intense perusal. Exposed.
“Did you?” I asked him. My voice was a little to breathless. I realized my heart was pounding. All this from his scrutinizing stare?
“Did you?” He threw my words back at me.
“Did I what?” I was confused by the path the conversation had taken.
He took a step closer to me. “Did you think?”
Did I think? About leaving? Getting my own place? About the stupidity of too much wine? Yes. I thought about all that. But I didn’t know what he meant. “Did I think about what?”
“Me.”
My breathing had become a little labored and erratic. But the tone of his voice when he said that one word made it stop completely. My body tensed. The darkness didn’t mask the uncertainty in his eyes. He was asking even though I could see he was scared of the truth. I’d never seen fear in Stone’s eyes before. Not until this moment. It was almost humbling.
“Yes.” Saying anything else would have been a lie.
He swallowed hard, inhaled deeply through his nose and seemed to be internally battling his next move. My hands trembled and I gripped them together in front of me Neither of us spoke. The silence made me uneasy.
Each breath we took seemed louder and more dramatic than they actually were. I knew the thoughts running through our heads—the facts, lies, and the truths—made this all harder and simple all at once.
Even though my heart raced, my body tingled, and my hands seemed incapable of being still, I knew that the one truth wouldn’t let this moment be anything more than it was. Stone loved Jasper as if they were brothers. If by some chance that display of emotion I’d never seen in his eyes or in his actions were what my heart wanted it to be, it wouldn’t matter. Because attraction did not outweigh love.
That reminder helped me calm down. To get caught up in this moment had been weak and a mistake. I could be hurt again. No, I would be hurt again if I thought there was a chance at more with Stone. A chance to know the man that I had misjudged, misunderstood, and disliked so fiercely.
Stepping back into the bedroom I reached for the door to close it. I wanted this to end . . . whatever it was.
“He came here before he left,” Stone said stopping me.
I just nodded.
“And he still left. Closed the Savannah office and left,” he said this as if it were important.
I nodded again. A brief nod. No need for more.
Stone closed the space between us until I had to tilt my head back to see his face, his eyes. I searched his expression, attempting to understand him. My heart was once again beating as if his nearness shot jolts of electricity through it. Why did Stone have to cause such a reaction in my most important organ?
“A man that deserved you. That understood what you are and what he had. What he had lost. He wouldn’t leave. Even if it were an impossibility to hold you again. He’d want to protect you. Even if he couldn’t have you. If his having you meant pain to others. Even if his motherfucking chest felt like it might explode from the sight of you. He wouldn’t leave because he wouldn’t be able to. Your security, protection, happiness would be all he could focus on. The only way he could survive.”
When he said it that way, in those brutally blunt words, I realized he was right. Jasper’s love for me wasn’t what it should have been. Love meant never leaving, never running. It meant you could never be too far away. To be fair, I’d done all three to him. The pain and loss had faded quickly enough. What I’d thought was a shattered soul had only been a bruised heart.
“We hadn’t known each other that long,” I said in both of our defense. I couldn’t blame Jasper when I’d run first.
His mouth almost formed a scowl. “If it’s real, does that matter?”
I thought it did. Love wasn’t instant. True love came from knowing someone. “Love takes time, yes. You need to earn respect, find out the things the other enjoys, laugh together. If love is forever, how can it happen without time?”
The tips of Stone’s fingers brushed my cheek as he ran one fingertip along my jawline. I shivered and fought the urge to lean into him. Standing here with him didn’t seem real. It was more like a dream. A fantasy. The kind of fantasies I was having more often while trying to shove them away from me.
“You were wearing that damn uniform Portia gave you. Your hair was pulled up in a ponytail. The elastic band holding it up was black and slightly frayed. I wondered if it was the only one you had and if it was near breaking. There was a slight stain on the collar but it was pin size. You wore no makeup except for lip gloss—it was pale pink. But that was all you needed,” he paused and looked down at my bare feet. “You had a slight limp. Nothing too noticeable, but it was there. I wondered if it was permanent. It didn’t take away from your beauty. Nothing could,” he lifted his gaze back to mine.
“You worked for a monster like Portia. I’d thought you’d wanted the job because you knew about Jasper Van Allan. Just for a moment, I watched you closely, quietly, and finally saw your eyes. There was stress, pain, anxiety, but most of all, fear marring their beauty. That moment. When our eyes met and I saw you. Not the outward appearance, but your soul that you shared so clearly in your eyes if someone took the time to look, I knew I would love you. There was sadness inside you I wanted to heal and fear I wanted to erase. Pain I wanted to ease.” He stopped and held my chin. Not harshly but with pressure to tilt my head back further as his dark eyes melded with mine. “I began to investigate, to search, to protect you. Understand that, Beulah. I did it all to protect . . . you.”