Her eyes slide closed, and she nods, dropping her chin. I remove my hand, wiping the damp stain of her tears off my skin and finish cuffing her to the table. Then I stand, snatch up my bag, and go to the bathroom.
Slamming the door shut, I switch on the shower and turn to lean on the counter. Every time I close my eyes, I see hers. Every time I try to force hate, I want to fall apart. For six weeks she owned me, and I wanted her with every waking breath.
The only thing that can kill it is my anger. I won’t be used like that again by her or anyone.
23
Rainey
Lyingon my back in the darkness, tears coat my cheeks as the pain collapses my chest. The sides of my cheeks throb from his hand squeezing them so hard. I closed my eyes, bracing for the hit I knew he wanted to deliver, the strike I knew I deserved.
Against all logic, I believed I could have his love and have what I wanted. I got lost in my own desires, and then I lost control of the narrative. Now I’ve lost him. The truth of it curls me into a ball, loss tearing me apart from within.
I’ve retraced every mistake I made since the beginning. My assignment wasn’t to sleep with him. I said I wouldn’t sleep with him for a book, and I didn't. I slept with him because he was everything I’d never had. He wanted me, and with him, I wasn’t alone.
He’s beautiful and smart and funny and possessive and strong and passionate. He healed my wounds and stopped the nightmares. He was the fire burning deep in my soul, feeding me, giving me life.
Pulling my knees to my chest, dressed in his clothes, I’m surrounded by his scent, and it hurts so much. Still, I bury my face in his shirt, needing him more than air.
I crave the barbed wires cutting into my heart and making me bleed. I want to atone for what I’ve done, even while I know I never will. I’ll never stop seeing the betrayal in his eyes when he walked through that door.
If I’d told him before, in his bed this weekend, would I still be here? He would’ve been angry, but he would’ve had control. I turn my cheek against my handcuffed arm extended over my head. My heart drains out through my eyes until I have nothing left.
I still want him, but he’ll never want me.
Again, I’m alone. Only this time I have no hope.
“Get up.”He pushes me with his foot, and I squint against the morning sunlight.
My hand is uncuffed, and I lower my aching arm. I don’t care if it hurts. I want to feel pain. Anything besides the numbness of my frozen insides.
He nudges me with the bag into the hall, and I go to the small bathroom to clean up and use the toilet. After five minutes, he’s back, and I emerge to be led to the secret room, where again, I’m cuffed to the chair.
He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t look at me, but my hungry eyes steal glances at him. His dark hair is messy, and he’s wearing jeans and his green Henley. His lean muscles ripple beneath the fabric as he pulls out the chair and sits in front of a laptop.
I watch as he types on the keyboard, pulling up the same live feed he showed me in his office in town. He’s watching the hidden cameras at Gibson’s, but no one is in view right now. I don’t know where my phone is, but I’m sure Natasha is blowing it up. I’m sure it won’t take long before this entire situation blows up, and if it does, I’m ready to be collateral. I want to be taken out of this battle.
A knock on the door out front makes him stand. He looks at me for the first time, and dark circles are under his sexy hazel eyes. I wonder if he slept. I’m surprised I did.
At the clash of our gaze, he winces, and my stomach twists. His pain increases my pain, and my fingers curl. I want to reach for him. I want to bathe him with my tears and vow to make it up to him. I want to tell him I love him.
I thought he might speak, but he only leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. Leaning forward, my chin falls to my chest.
“Good morning, big brother!” Hana’s voice comes through the door from what I remember is the kitchen. “I’ve come for my stuff, and Norris sent a smorgasbord.”
“Hey, thanks, babe.” His affectionate voice is warm honey in my veins. “Get whatever you need. I’m just keeping an eye on things here.”
“Scar said you’re watching the bad guys. I told him that was so uncool.” Her voice calls from the bedroom where we slept. “You left Hamiltown so you could stop doing all this. And you have a girlfriend now.”
Drawers open and close in the next room, and I wince at his rough answer. “It’s okay. We broke up.”
“Oh no!” Her voice is in the hall again, passing as she returns to where he’s waiting. “What happened?”
“Ah, you know. Same story, new day. Relationships are always fucking drama.”
“Don’t tell me. She wanted more, and you ran away again.” Her voice turns teasing. “Are you going to play the bachelor forever?”
“No, actually. It wasn’t like that.” His voice is husky, and through two walls of wood, I can hear his pain. “She wasn’t who I thought she was.”