“It’s gone.”
I scream so hard my chest quakes. My little doll, my tiniest matryoshka, the one thing I treasured, that I brought from my father’s house. I held it in my hand as I fell asleep every night… Now it’s burning in the fire.
Pain cuts through my chest, and I fall to my knees in front of the flames. I would shove my hand in and save her if I could. I’m crying, ragged breaths shuddering from my throat.
Strong hands, grown-up hands, grip my shoulders to stop me from screaming. They shake me, but they’ll never make it right.
She destroyed it, like she destroys everything.
Now I have nothing left of him.
Nothing.
“It’s all gone. I have nothing…” I’m sobbing, repeating the words over and over as the dream fades.
“It’s okay, Re-re, I’m here.”
A gentle hand strokes the side of my head, and I sit up fast, kicking my feet and scrambling against the wall beside my bed. Blinking fast, I look all around, disoriented.
“Where…” I almost ask where I am before I realize I’m in my dorm room at Thornton, not my uncle’s lavish living room with the Persian rugs and velvet armchairs and Tiffany lamps and all the hate.
“Oh my God.” Dropping my face in my hand, I feel the dampness on my cheek, and I quickly wipe the tears off my face. “I’m okay. I’m sorry.”
Ali presses her lips together, and I know she wants to say something. I tilt my head and give her a look that saysDon’t.
“I’m here if you need to talk.”
“Thanks.” Climbing out of the bed, I go straight to our small bathroom and turn on the hot water.
When it’s finally warm, I scoop handfuls onto my face, trying to calm my jangling insides. I’m stronger than this. I survived Natasha’s cruelty already. She doesn’t have power over me now.
Only it’s not true. I’m here on her orders. She’s still calling the shots.
But it’s for my purposes. I have my own agenda, and she can’t stop me.
More water, I hold my hands against my face trying to calm myself.Get it together.
A soft tapping on the door and it slowly opens. Ali hands me a towel, and I take it, silently patting my face dry. Our eyes meet briefly in the mirror, and hers are full of concern.
“As a psychology major, I know you know it’s unhealthy to hold things like this inside.” I don’t answer, and she continues. “I wouldn’t betray your trust. I’d like to think we’re friends.”
I put the towel on the rack and exhale a sigh. How could Ali possibly understand my life? “I’m a criminal justice major, and we’ve only known each other a month.”
“Isn’t that what college is all about? Making new friends?”
But I’m not really a college student. I don’t belong here. Friends will only cause problems, which is why I wasn’t even supposed to have a roommate.
Going to my closet, I study my wardrobe. We almost hugged last time I was in his office. I can’t remember the last time I felt so desperate for a hug. The chemistry crackled around us like static electricity, and when it broke, so did I.
Chewing my lip, I grab a pair of jeans and a tight sweater Miss Graduate Assistant would envy. When I turn, Ali’s dressed in a long-sleeved jersey and jeans, but her eyes are downcast, and a dejected expression is on her face.
Thanks again, Rick.Now I feel like shit.
I decide to be as straight with her as I can. Gentling my tone, I walk over and put my hand on her shoulder. “The truth is, Ali, I wasn’t supposed to have a roommate this semester.”
Her lips tighten, and she nods. “I know.”
“It’s my last semester, so, you know…” I shrug. “I’m not going to be here much longer.”