My heart pinches in my too-tight chest. Is this man for real? Rider wants to take care of me? The offer is a simple one, but not simple at all. My whole life I’ve been the one to take care of others, but I’m afraid. After Brett’s death, I’ve been too afraid to let go, too afraid to…live.
“Why?” is all I can seem to ask.
“We’re friends, and friends take care of each other.” The truth in his words, the warmth they create in my soul, wrap around me and squeeze tight. I stare at the man, and something inside me shifts.
“Rider.”
“Yeah,” he asks.
I try to look away but he holds my chin and doesn’t let me. No, this man, for some reason, is making me stare all my demons in the face. “I’ve never…”
The crease between his eyebrow deepens. “You never had an orgasm?”
“Well, yeah, I have but just not…”
“Just not with a guy?” I nod and he continues with, “That’s going to change tonight.”
“Ego much?” I tease, as my pulse pounds in my ears, praying it’s true. I tried so hard with my ex, but I always tensed up, unable to just let myself go and enjoy.
“I can back it up,” he teases, his words meant to put me at ease, and they do. I laugh, but it dies a sudden death.
“Friends. That’s all we can ever be,” I state, needing him to know this before we go one step further.
“I know,” he says, and his brow knits together as a wave of darkness moves over his face. “It’s all I can do too, Jules.”
My throat tightens, and I swallow against the pain. This man is damaged. We both are, and now that we both know where the other stands, what to expect, and what not to…
“A safe place, somewhere I can let go. It’s what I want,” I say, answering his long-ago question as I wrap my arms around his neck. His mouth instantly finds mine, and my lids shut as he kisses me, his tongue sliding in slowly, a gentle introduction, like he’s afraid of scaring me off. To show him how much I want this, him, I moan and deepen the kiss. It does something to him, prompts him into action.
“Bedroom,” he murmurs, his voice ragged as he breaks the kiss. The black in his eyes bleed into the gray and I’m pretty damn certain no man has ever looked at me with such hunger. It’s fascinating…exhilarating.
“Upstairs, second door on the right.” He scoops me up and I wrap my arms around him. He rushes, like there are flames licking at his heels, and takes the stairs two at a time. I sort of like his enthusiasm, the urgency about him. His eagerness turns me on even more. The next thing I know, we’re in my bedroom and he’s kicking the door closed.
A smile plays on his mouth as he glances around, his eyes moving over my flower duvet, and the numerous pictures on my wall. “This room screams Jules.”
“You don’t know me well enough to say that,” I say, and once again think about how we became fast friends. How it seems like I’ve known him so much longer.
He shrugs. “I know enough.”
“Well, I decorated the place myself. Things I slowly picked up over the years, and I painted the pictures.” I slide from his arms and take a step back, examining the room from his perspective. “Do you like it?” I ask and I have no idea why it’s so important to me that he does.
“I like it. A lot. Just like I like you.” I smile at that, and he draws his bottom lip between his teeth as his gaze leaves my face, slides down my body. He looks at me so long and hard, I begin to grow self-conscious. I tense a bit and he must notice the break in my composure. “You okay?” he asks.
I love that he’s checking in with me; his concern means a lot. “I’m just…nervous. You’re you, and I’m me.”
He takes a step closer to me, his warmth curling my toes as it wraps around me. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.”
He lightly touches a loose strand of hair, the hard edges of his face softening. “Jules. We’re friends. Friends are open and honest, and they share.”
“It’s just that. I mean I get that I’m different from the other—”
“You’re beautiful and I want you in the worst fucking way.” The deepness in his voice, the authority and conviction, swallow my words.
I’ve never felt particularly beautiful before. Most times I downplay myself, happy to blend into the woodwork, but tonight I’m being seen—by the hottest guy on the planet—and it actually feels…empowering. A new streak of warmth and confidence moves through me, and I toy with the hem of my T-shirt.
“When you say things like that…” I smile to let him know what it does to me.