I admire.
Dammit.
My gaze slowly falls down, lingers over a chest that is rock hard, and stomach muscles that are defined and prominent. Holy, I’ve seen him shirtless before, but this…this…A strange, garbled moan I have no control over crawls out of my throat.
He comes to me, pulls my shaking body into his embrace, obviously mistaking my wounded sounds for fear. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
My hands go to his bare chest, and his heart pounds against my palm. “Where…why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”
“I was asleep when you called. It was all I could do to get my pants on before running over here.”
“Well it’s a good thing you stopped to do that. I don’t want you to get arrested for indecent exposure on my account.” Although there is nothing indecent about his body. In fact, it’s pretty decent, pretty decent indeed. The old Jamie would have made a joke about what I’d just said, but this Jamie is more subdued, and serious. Regardless, I shouldn’t be looking at my brother-in-law sexually, shouldn’t be taking this much pleasure in his embrace, either. But damn, he’s so big and strong and comforting, and I need this, need his hugs, the warmth of his touch.
He inches back, and his gaze leaves mine, falls down the length of me and that’s when I become fully aware of my attire. Same snug T-shirt he’d seen me in earlier, except no bra this time and only panties for bottoms. In the commotion, I forgot to dress, or even pull on a robe.
“Oh, sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” he asks, his voice an octave lower.
“I’m not wearing much.”
He scrubs his chin. “I’m aware.”
Oh, God, I can’t even imagine what he thinks of all my plumpness. The man gravitates toward waif thin women. Sara was tiny, even pregnant there wasn’t much to her—something Ethan used to comment on in a positive way. Personally, I think women should fill out during pregnancy. I certainly did. Only problem was, the weight was easy to put on, but not so easy to take off. I fold my arms across my big chest, as Ethan’s words come back to me. When are you going to lose the baby weight?
Oh, how those mean words stung, but I don’t like to think about that anymore. Ethan is gone, and I can’t harbor negative thoughts. They’re useless and destructive to my well-being.
“I’m going to spend the night,” Jamie says, a statement, not a question.
I shake my head and my hair tickles my shoulders. “No, no. I’ve put you out enough already.”
Ignoring my protest, he places big, heavy hands on my shoulders and turns me. “Go to bed, Fallon.” He nudges me with his chest and a strange bolt of heat goes through me as his muscles press against my back. Okay, clearly I haven’t been touched in far too long if a simple, innocent touch from my brother in law is messing with my mind and body.
When was the last time I’d been touched, anyway?
My thoughts go back and a disheartened groan catches in my throat. Ethan was so turned off by my curvy body that he’d barely touched me after Chase. Is it any wonder he…
I stop my thoughts.
Turning, I face my brother-in-law. “Thanks Jamie,” I say. “I really appreciate you coming over.”
His eyes latch onto mine, and his nostrils flare. What is going on with him? Was it something I said? He puts his hand over his head, grips the door frame hard as he stares at me with…hunger? Okay, I must be hallucinating. Jamie has never looked at me like that before. No man ever has, really. The drive here, the memories, the scare. Yeah, all those things must be messing with my perception of reality. It’s the only logical explanation.
“Jamie?”
He tears his gaze from mine so fast, I’m sure he’s given himself whiplash. “I’ll grab one of the spare rooms,” he informs me and walks away, leaving cold where there was once warmth.
With my door cracked so I can hear Chase, I hurry into my bed and draw the covers up to my neck, shaking for reasons I can’t quite comprehend. I calm myself, and going perfectly quiet, I listen carefully to Jamie’s heavy steps on the wood floor. The bedroom door closes with a click, and I strain to hear what’s going on in the room next to me. Will he flop into bed in his jeans, or will he remove them and sleep naked between the sheets?
For a moment I visualize his removing his pants, his big, strong body, denting the mattress as he climbs in. Only I’m suddenly imagining he’s not alone. No, it’s me he’s crawling in bed with, me he’s looking at with hungry eyes, touching with needy hands, telling me I’m perfect…
A car speeds by outside and pulls me from my reverie. What the hell am I doing? I suck in a fast breath to get myself together.
Don’t go there, Fallon.
We’re both very damaged people who can’t go down that road. I’m sure he only told me I was perfect because he was being kind. Rolling to my back, I stare up at the ceiling, and take deep fueling breaths. I need sleep, and I need it now.
The next thing I know, I’m waking to the sound of pots banging in the kitchen. The noise startles me and I jackknife up in the bed. Where the hell am I? I glance around quickly, catalogue my surroundings, and relax slightly.