“Something funny?” Nina asks as she saunters over.
I smile at her. “This is so cute. Jamie is always hungry. He’s an eating machine. He’s been like that for as long as I’ve known him. If I brought this, he’d know dinner was ready from miles away.”
“Ohmigod, you have to get it,” she says, and checks the price tag. “That’s too funny.”
“I should. He’d get a kick out of it.” The thoughts of putting a smile on Jamie’s face makes me grin. I love seeing him happy, love seeing the old Jamie.
“That was really nice of him to take Chase for the day. You probably haven’t had a break in forever.”
I nod. “He’s a good uncle. He’s good for Chase.”
She goes a bit serious, as I examine the gong. “He seems to be doing so much better, Fallon. We were all pretty worried about him.”
A niggling of guilt settles deep in my stomach. Instead of turning to Jamie in my darkest hour, I ran away. Did that hurt him? After losing his fiancée and baby, I never stopped to think that by running away he was losing me in his time of need too. How could I have been so selfish? But there is a part of me that had to run. I just couldn’t be in that house, couldn’t be in Seattle and around everything that reminded me of Ethan…of Sara. And what if Jamie had been able to read the worries on my face? I’m like an open book to him most times. What if he figured out what was going on inside my brain, the things I suspected were going on between my husband and his fiancée? I couldn’t let him know. I would have left him gutted even more than he already was, and I couldn’t be the one responsible for that. I love him too much.
“He doesn’t say it, but Cole gets the sense that Jamie blames himself for the accident.”
My gaze jerks to hers. “Are you kidding me? None of it was his fault. In fact…” When her eyes narrow, I let my words fall off before I say too much, say something that there’s no coming back from.
“Has he ever said he thought it was his fault?” she asks, real worry in her eyes.
“No, we don’t actually talk about it.” But maybe, maybe in not so many words he did tell me.
I don’t want you to count on me. I’ll just let you down
Is it possible that he really thinks the accident was his fault?
“Why would he think that?”
“Cole’s not sure. It’s just a gut feeling.”
“Guys, come see this,” Katee says, her voice high and excited and with the way my stomach is knotting, I’m grateful for the change in conversation.
“Anyway, I’m here if you ever want to talk, okay?” Nina says, and I give her arm a grateful squeeze.
“Thanks,” I say and wish I could tell her about Sara’s strange phone call, but I don’t want to drag her into any of this when I don’t know what’s going on. Katee calls again and I grab the horrendous gong and we follow her voice and find her and Sam admiring a beautiful crib.
“This is so perfect,” she says.
I run my hand along the white wooden slats, and the strangest sensations go through me. It’s been a long time since I thought about having more children, but all of a sudden I can’t stop thinking about it. Of course, there’s always artificial insemination. Then again, Jamie was excited to be a father, and is amazing with Chase so maybe he’d be onboard…
What the hell am I thinking?
“It’s beautiful,” I say.
“I think I’ll get it and get Luke to come back later to pick it up.”
“Look what I’m getting,” I say and produce the gong.
“That’s hilarious,” Sam says. “They can use it to call us for dinner after they fry all that fish they’re going to catch,” she says and rolls her eyes.
We head to the cash register, and Nina helps me get a few pies, and once we pay for our goods, we make our way outside. We drop the purchases into the back of the SUV and I spot a Starbucks on the corner. “Come on, ladies. Salted caramel lattes on me.”
As we head toward the corner, Katee crinkles her nose in thought and says, “I wonder i
f we should grab a bucket of chicken or something and take it back home. What are the odds the guys will actually catch enough, or any fish, for dinner?”
“It’s a good plan,” Sam says. “Ooh, look,” she says and points to the swim suit store. “I could use a new suit.”