He'd never contemplated taking a woman for himself, but if he took Snow Bird, it would be to protect her. Still would she understand? She was determined to be the Indian's wife, so he couldn't allow himself to have feelings for her. Yet, how could he take her and not have feelings for her, himself? That was a hard question to answer and he'd have to think on it a while. Only not too long.
Things seemed to get more complicated by the hour.
He hadn't counted on something like this.
He had to talk to her, privately if he could.
"Let's take these dirty dishes to the stream." He told her pulling her into the woods now, so they could be alone.
"Is something wrong?" she asked seeing his face.
"Kind of." He looked over his shoulder to make sure no one followed. "Look, we're going to winter with these people but Ferg has already told me something that well, I need to talk to you about."
"What?"
"He said if I don't claim you, others might try at this place." He stared into her young face. "There will be many men, few women. It's your choice, if you'd rather take your chances with someone else, then I can't stop you. But you've got to decide."
She was beautiful, he suddenly swallowed hard staring into her innocent young face. He'd tried his best not to notice, but it was impossible. The more he was around her, the more he noticed.
Her eyes widened as she observed him closer. "You would do such a thing?"
There was shock on her face now, as though they had established some trust between them and he was breaking that trust.
"Would you rather a stranger?"
She turned away.
"B-but I am married and pregnant." She didn't look at him.
"I-I know. But what can we do?"
"I-I don't know, I must think about this…" She moved away from him now.
"Don't think too long, it might be settled for us." He told her and walked away. "And just so you know," He gazed over his shoulder at her. "I don't like the idea any more than you do. But it could mean survival. I'll take you home, if you want to go, later in the spring or summer, but the others I wouldn't bet on."
She stared at him, and he walked off
***
She watched him for a long while, her mind wrestling with what she could do.
She marveled silently how much she had come to trust Matt Younger. There was something about him that drew her to him. She was married to Too Tall, she shouldn't be thinking this way, but she could not help it.
It was too complicated to think on. Married to Too Tall, pregnant with a white man's baby, and Matt wanting to protect, taking her himself. It was too much to imagine.
She would bring shame upon herself if she let Matt take her, and yet she'd had worse problems, as the white man that took her before, impregnated her. Would it not be better with Matt than with these other men? Survival was important. Matt knew this. Matt was a good man. But to belong to him, and to her husband, and to the white man that raped her, was not right and she knew it. The white man that raped her was dead. Only shame followed her now, no matter what she did, she would be shamed by her people. And yet, she so wanted to know if her sister was still alive, Naomi, and Too Tall.
She would bide her time and see how this Sutton Place was and if the men there would respect her or not. If they would not, she would let Matt take her, so that they would know she was his. But she had to keep thinking of Too Tall, as it would be easy to forget him now that she was in a white man's world.
Problem was, she had become part of the white man's world now. She also had to think of her child. How would she care for it, take care of it, love it? An Indian alone in a white man's world, trying to raise a half-breed. She knew it would not be easy.
Even though she was raped by a man she did not like, she loved her unborn child. She had always wanted children. And now that Too Tall might be dead, she would have to figure out how to survive with her child.
Chapter Four
That night as they lay together, she whispered in his ear, "I will see this Sutton Place for myself. If the men do not respect me, I will consider letting you take me. But only if I decide it is necessary. Perhaps we could act as though we are…."
Matt nodded, "I won't unless I have to, Snow Bird. I promise you that. I would take no pleasure in it."