“Rush,” I growl, making him almost fall out of his chair laughing.
“Never, man?” Declan asks.
“I’m not having this discussion. Again.” I stand and stalk off to the gate, which is also going to be the makeshift altar. I’m playing Deacon, so I’m going to stand here and wait for further instructions. In the meantime, maybe I can get my head straight.
My mind instantly goes to last night and this morning. I woke up around three with her body still wrapped around mine. The right thing to do would have been to not snuggle her and pull her closer. I couldn’t help myself. I wanted her close to me. Not because she’s my best friend, but because she’s a beautiful woman, and the ladies in my family had my mind going places it’s not allowed to go.
Now, here I am, just hours after waking up with her in my arms, and my brothers are talking the same shit. Is this a conspiracy against me? I know they mean well, but damn… all we ever do is defend our relationship, and I accepted that we were never going to be more. My teenage self moved on. We were doing just fine, being us, until this weekend.
Everything is fucked.
My mind.
My family’s perception of us, and if I’m being honest, my heart.
“That look on your face tells me that you’re starting to figure it out,” Deacon tells me.
“I wish.” I sigh, looking up at the blue sky.
“I get it. You’re afraid that if you tell her that you love her, you’re going to lose her.”
“She knows that I love her.” I tell her all the time. She tells me too. That’s our thing.
“Let me rephrase that. You’re afraid if you tell her that you’reinlove with her, that you’re going to lose her.”
“Ramsey’s got you watching the Hallmark Channel again, doesn’t she?”
Deacon laughs. “Sometimes, but I don’t mind it. She usually curls up on my lap, and I get to hold her while she watches. It’s one of my favorite things for us to do.”
“You’re going soft, Deacon.”
“Maybe.” He shrugs. “But I’m a happy man. So fucking happy. I never knew that life could be like this. That I could feel so… fulfilled. Hell, that’s not even the right word to describe it. She changed me. She makes me a better man, and instead of working my life away, I get to live it with her by my side. I wouldn’t trade what I have with Ramsey for anything in this entire world.”
“I’m happy for both of you. Orrin, Brooks, and Declan too.”
“We see you, Sterling. We see the two of you together. I know that if I’d let our age difference, or the fact that Orrin was my best friend, that all of you are close friends, stop me from pursuing Ramsey, it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.”
“You’re telling me that if I don’t try with Alyssa that it will be the biggest mistake of my life?”
He shrugs. “More than likely. You have to take the risk in order to get the reward.”
“I just— I need time. I’m not going to lie and say there has never been a time I didn’t think about taking my shot. Deacon, that was years ago, man. I had come to terms with the fact that we were never going to be that for each other. Then we get here, and everyone keeps trying to push us together, and we’re sharing a room, and she smells like heaven—” I stop, already saying too much.
“Test the waters. Do right by her, and be certain that she’s what you want long term. If she is, if you see yourself in five years with Alyssa standing next to you, go all in. Ease into it if you want. Ramp up the flirting, touching, whatever to test it out. You two have always been affectionate. Let it marinate in your mind and in your heart, and see what happens.”
“Sage advice.”
“I got the girl of my dreams,” he reminds me. “I struggled, but I didn’t let the obstacles we faced scare me. In the end, I knew she was worth it.”
“Alyssa is worth it.”
“So are you.” He claps a hand on my shoulder as Ramsey approaches us.
“Okay. So, Alyssa is going to walk around the backside of the pool, which will be our aisle. I’m going to marry the two of you, just because I know this one will rush through it.” She points at Deacon and blows him a kiss.
“So, I just stand and wait for her?” I ask.
“Yep. Then when she gets here, you’ll take her hands in yours and stare into her eyes, just like a wedding.”