“We’ve got to wait a couple of minutes,” she said. “For the test to give a result.”
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I just peed on a stick. There was nothing scary or odd about doing that.”
“I know, but how are you feeling?” He wanted to touch her.
For the past three months, on odd days, he’d snuck into her apartment and laid with her. He hadn’t fallen asleep. He’d come close a few times, but he’d not completely fallen.
“I’m fine.”
He gritted his teeth.
She shut him out.This was all Callie would do.
“Callie, please.”
“Let’s just wait for the test.”
He looked back to the bathroom and that test didn’t feel like his salvation. It felt more like a freaking nightmare to him. He felt sick to his stomach. He’d seen some fucked-up shit in his time, had even come up with many different scary fucked-up things to do, but this … this terrified him.
“No,” he said.
“What?”
“No, I’m not going to wait for the fucking test.Are you waiting for it to be negative so you can tell me to get out of your life for good? Is that what you think is happening with me?” he asked.
“I don’t know what is happening with you,” Callie said.
But he saw it. She looked away.
“And if the test is positive, what then?” he asked.
“What exactly do you want from me, Ruin? Ifthat is really your name? I don’t know anything about you. You’re … I don’t know who you are. You lied to me.”
“The only thing I lied to you about was my reason for being there,and I know it’s a freaking big one, but I can’t change that. Trust me, if I could, I would.” He took a deep breath. “I … my name is John Doe, and that is no fucking joke. I was abandoned as a baby. My parents, whoever the fuck they were, didn’t even have the sense to drop their baby at a care home. No, they dumped me at an animal shelter. A kill shelter.” He burst out laughing. “I don’t know if it was because they were stupid, didn’t care, or if they hoped the staff would kill me.”
“Ruin?”
He held his handup. He had never spoken about this to anyone. His name, who he’d once been … he’d locked that shit up tight.
“As you can see, the kill shelter didn’t do it, but they sent me to a foster home. As a baby, I was adorable and I got adopted out, until about four, when that family decided I was too much of a handful. From that moment, I never knew a safe home. I was bounced around. By the time I was seven, I’d already been told more times than I could count that all I did was ruin everything. The moment I turned up, I destroyed everything. From seven till about thirteen, I took the beatings. I took the violence, and in a way, I fed on it. But, with each whip of the belt, each hit of the bat, it made me stronger, until one day, my foster dad was drunk and came at me, and this time I wasn’t about to take another beating. I hit back that day. I’ve hit back every single day.” He ran his fingers through his hair.
“By fifteen I was on the streets, and trust me, that is no place for a young man. Especially a young man with a lot of rage inside him. So, I fought my way up. I killed my first man at fifteen. He was trying to fucking rape me. I had a knife, and I slit his throat. This happened in an alley. I ran. I moved. I learned how to fight properly, and it wasn’t long before I was doing odd jobs, a beating here, a kill there. Nearly thirty years later, I’m the fucking Bogeyman. I’m the man people call to finish the job.” He pointed at his chest. “And I’m more than happy with that. I can live with all of it.”
He took a step toward her. She had tears in her eyes, but he didn’t know if they were tears for him or because she was scared. Ruin wasn’t thinking or feeling anything right now. He had spoken the words of his past that he’d promised to never reveal to anyone—not even this woman. Looking into her pretty eyes, he knew the love he felt for her was real, so fucking real and it scared him. He’d never wanted anything in his life. But when it came to Callie, he wanted her.
“Then one day, I got a call from Dante Morelli. I was asked to go to his office, and I did. I never liked that little shit. He never got his hands dirty and he fed on human pain and misery. He gave me a file. Told me she had stolen from Aldo Giordano and that she needed to be taken care of. Killed as soon as possible. I opened that file, ready to do whatever was needed. A pair of the prettiest blue eyes stared right back at me. They took my breath away. She had this smile but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. There was pain there, but also an expectancy of it. I knew I had to see this woman. I had to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind, that this woman was nothing more than a picture, an illusion.” He stroked some of her hair back from her face.
“So I went and looked at her. She didn’t see me the first time I looked at her. She was knitting. I have no idea what she was knitting, but she didn’t quite sit with the group. Always on the outskirts. I noticed this about her. She never participated in life, but that one look, and I knew I needed to learn more. She made my heart race.” He took hold of her hand and placed it on his chest. “Just as she still does. I needed to know her. To find out every single little detail of her. To learn what makes her tick.”
He wiped at the tears falling down her cheeks. “And the moment I talked to her, that was it. I knew I couldn’t kill her. This world—myworld—would be one fucked-up place without this angel, and that’s exactly who you are, Callie. You are an angel.”
“Ruin?”
He slammed his lips down on hers, expecting her to push himaway, but instead she kissed him back.
“I love you. I know I didn’t tell you the complete truth, but never did I want to kill you. I wanted to learn everything about you so that I’d be able to protect you from that piece of shit. That’s all I wanted to do. I love you, Callie, so fucking much, but I understand if you don’t feel the same way.”