Why is it that some people just can’t reach their dreams? Or they have them snatched away once they are within reach?
Every time I am in a relationship, I surrender my heart and work hard to make things work. Unfortunately, I’m not enough, and they leave me. Iskander doesn’t count, though. I was able to keep myself safe… if I don’t count the small souvenir growing inside me.
I don’t want to think about him, or the baby I’m yet to confirm exists. “Since I have nowhere else to go, you might as well start from the beginning.”
“The short version is that they found out I had breast cancer when I was almost fifteen weeks pregnant. The doctor said we could wait, but if we did, it might progress faster, and they wouldn’t be able to treat me.”
She takes a deep breath. “They said I could die. Mitch researched and found lots of articles of women who died during birth. He…”
“Hey, we don’t need to talk about it,” I say as we approach her room.
She sighs and continues, “The doctor suggested I get rid of the baby. I couldn’t do it. It took us so long to finally conceive. We finally had our miracle baby and… Mitchell—”
She almost sobs before saying, “He said he couldn’t stay and see me die.”
I touch my neck, trying to hold the tears clogged in my throat. The sadness, the anger, the… so many emotions are hitting me all at once. It’s hard to remember to stay strong for her when I’m almost sure her prognosis is bad. I can’t lose her, and what about Rumi?
“Why didn’t you call?”
“I wanted to do this on my own, but now…” The despair in her voice is breaking me. There’s no hope, I see it in her dimmed green eyes.
If there’s something I learned from Nydia, it’s that as long as there’s life, there’s always hope. Even when logic dictates this could be over soon, I want to believe that the outcome can be different.
“We’ll get through this,” I say, or maybe promise.
Not sure what that entails, but I won’t let her give up hope.
“There’s not much—”
“We’ll discuss your prognosis tomorrow. Why don’t you show me pictures of Rumi? She’s what, a year old?”
She gives me a sad smile. “Fourteen months. You’ve missed a lot.”
“Well, I’m here to catch up.”
“When do you have to go back? We have to talk to my lawyer and—”
I shake my head. “Stop, we don’t need lawyers, and there’s plenty of time. I was thinking about moving back to Chicago. While you’re going through treatments, I can keep an eye on her.”
She sighs. “I need you to adopt her.” She doesn’t acknowledge my suggestion. Anya is already planning her daughter’s future.
And that’s when it hits me, she’s giving up. “Wait, what?”
“Rumi. You must adopt her now before things get messy and the state takes her away.”
“Anya, you can’t give up.”
“I don’t have much time left.” She touches the left side of her chest slightly. “If we do this now, she won’t have to see me die. She won’t miss me. And most importantly, I don’t want her to end up in the system because her mother died, and her father couldn’t be bothered with her.”
And people say that history doesn’t repeat. We know better, and then I remember that I might be pregnant, and the father doesn’t want anything to do with us.
How do I break through this generational… is it a curse or some trauma? Is this me making the wrong choices because I’m too desperate for attention or just bad luck?
ChapterTwenty
Iskander
A day.I can only dodge my family for one day.