“Yeah, it’ll be a surprise.”
Her face brightens because if there’s something Siobhan loves, it’s surprises. It doesn’t matter what I give her, just some of those lavender gummies Nydia sells, chocolate, or a trip to an exotic destination. I enjoy when her blue eyes crinkle and her smile widens.
“But only if you’ll let me rip it,” I remind her.
“Hmm, what if I want to use it again?”
“Oh please, no one ever wears their bridesmaid dress after a wedding. I’ve heard Myka complain about it again and again. Plus, what if this ends in divorce and you have to be a bridesmaid in yet another ceremony. She won’t want the same dress.”
She scoffs. “You’re such a cynic. This is your brother we’re talking about. Shouldn’t you be happy for him? Root for his future with the love of his life?”
“Would you say the same if she wasn’t your best friend?”
“Probably. I want them to be happy, have a family, and…” She shrugs.
“A marriage isn’t happiness, and neither are children. You don’t want to bring kids into a world on fire. Save them from the misery. My brother knows better than anyone how crappy life can be.”
She exhales dramatically in the only way she knows how to do it. I swear she needs to stop watching telenovelas with Nydia, Myka, and Grace—or audition for a soap opera. She’s pretty good at it.
A frown carves into my face. “What did I say wrong?”
“You’re too… too…” She tosses her hands up in the air, obviously having trouble finishing her sentence. “I can’t understand your aversion to marriage and children.”
Usually, I wouldn’t respond to her because we agreed never to discuss personal things. The only reason she knows my family is because of her best friend. I avoid discussing them with her, but since the expiration day is coming soon, I do it.
“My parents’ marriage was hideous. I witnessed all their fights.All of them.My mother treated my father like a doormat. Then, he was stuck with five children and no clue on how to raise us. Instead of leaving us here so we could at least have my grandfather to look after us, he packed our things and moved us to Seattle.
“At eight, I had to be the one looking after his other four children. I practically raised Mane, Myka, and Nando. Efren would help me sometimes. It wasn’t until I headed to college that I could be myself and have a somewhat normal life. Still to this day, I have to look after everyone because, for some reason, my father believes I’m also responsible for the family.”
She nods a couple of times. “Yeah, but that’s you. I’m not saying thatyoushould be the one getting married, just be happy for everyone else around you.”
“I don’t want them to experience what my father did or for their children to go through what I did, you know?”
“It’s a little sad, though.”
“What’s sad?”
Siobhan shrugs. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I’m okay with my future,” I say, maybe a little too loud. “Why does everyone try to judge me for my choices? I’d rather die than have children or even have a relationship with a woman for more than a few months. You know me. I hate emotions and messy entanglements.”
The way she studies me without saying a word worries me, and I don’t know how to take it. Is she concerned about my safety? I mean, I wouldn’t take my life. It’s just a figure of speech.
“This is exactly why I never open up to anyone,” I mutter. “People think I’m a fucking asshole because of my life choices.”
She shakes her head. “No. That’s not it.”
“Then what is it? Why are you looking at me like that?”
She chuckles. “It doesn’t matter. If we were friends, I would explain, but you don’t have that kind of talk with a fuck buddy. Why don’t you leave my room so I can change? I have a shift at the sports bar later today.”
For some reason, her words hit me like a bucket full of ice. I know she’s right, yet, I don’t like it. She’s dismissing me, upset and… What is happening to me?
ChapterFifteen
Siobhan
It’s saidthat life imitates fiction.