I have no explanation for my stupid and slutty behavior.
Just like I have no explanation —still— for what I’d donebeforeI turned into the slut of Bardstown.
Freaking out and running away.
I did that, didn’t I?
When Lucas had asked me to marry him.
I still don’t know why I felt the way I did.
Trapped and suffocated and strangled.
All I know is that I did and I wish I hadn’t.
I wish I could turn back time and undo all the damage. I wish I could go back andhearthat knock on my bedroom door. The knock by my boyfriend who’d come back to talk about what had happened at the restaurant but instead found me cheating on him.
I can’t change any of that though.
All I can do is try to makesomeamends.
Something that I’ve wanted to do for two years now and haven’t been able to. Because Lucas wouldn’t let me; he’s cut off all contact with me. So a couple of weeks ago when I read in that chat group that he was coming back to town, I thought this was my chance.
They had his whole itinerary posted, all the parties he was going to go to, all the get-togethers that were being thrown in his honor. While I did pay attention to the itinerary — I’m here, aren’t I? — I was more concerned about his reason for coming back: his father is ill and they say that he might be dying.
His father is not a good person. That’s the very first thing.
He used to abuse Lucas when he was growing up, and I know that Lucas hates his dad. But I also know that despite everything, he’s a good son. Which means even though he’s had a difficult relationship with his father, this must be tough for him, his imminent passing.
Only that stupid freaking chat never mentioned anything abouthim.
Or maybe they did but beyond Lucas I didn’t pay attention to anything else.
To the one thing — the one person — who could potentially stop me.
My biggest mistake, all six feet and three inches of him.
My boyfriend’s —ex-boyfriend’s — best friend.
And get this: instead of standing at the far end of this very tacky bar, he’s right here.
He’s sitting in front of me.
Sitting.
It’s surreal, isn’t it?
How is this evenhappening?
Okay, you know what, let me just do the run-down of everything that has happened ever since I arrived here, that led to this very dream-like moment.
So first, I came with all my friends.Andtheir boyfriends.
Actually, there are boyfriends and also brothers.
One of the girls, Calliope Thorne, has like four big brothers.
Yup,four. Of which three are here.