Everything appropriate and perfect.
He glances at me again, his lips quirked up in a humorless smile. “He told me that I was the heir. That I was supposed to be a certain way, and I believed him. You believed him too, didn’t you?”
I swallow thickly.
When she had said the same thing to me, I was angry. I was furious.
That she had the audacity of throwing everything I’d shared with her to my face. I showed her the parts that I myself don’t acknowledge are there and she took them and shoved them at me.
The abuse. The rumors. The fucking lies that people believed about me.
But now, looking at my brother, I don’t feel the same anger.
I feel… fear.
I feel that he — and in turn she — might be right.
“I know you did,” he continues. “I don’t blame you. He fooled us both. And that’s because he’s the disappointment.”
“What?”
Another glance at me. Then, “It’s not you who’s the disappointment, Reign. It took me some time to see that. It’s not you, it’s them. It’s the world. The world has disappointed you. Our father who was supposed to be a loving, patient authority figure, abused you. Our mother who should’ve looked out for you, protected you, let him do that. Even now, where the fuck is she? Vacationing in Italy rather than being worried about her son. Your brother, me, again who should’ve looked out for you, ignored you. And your best friend. Who stood up in front of the cops yesterday and said that you were trying to force yourself on someone. He lied about you to the cops. He tried to ruin your life. What do you call that, if not an epic fucking disappointment?”
Lucas did tell the cops that.
That when he opened the door to her bedroom, he found her tied up and crying. He found her clothes torn off and me on top, forcing her. Raping her.
That is a disappointment, isn’t it?
I knew we weren’t on good terms. I knew that.
I knew he hated me. I hated him too.
But I never expected him to do what he did. It actually surprised me for a second that he’d do that. But then like always, I accepted it.
I accepted it because I thought he was telling the truth.
Iwasabusing her.
Not in the rape-y way but in the way where I’ve been selfishly using her.
Where I’ve been selfishly, purposefully, keeping her with me to sate my own needs.
So I believed everything he said.
Ibelievedit.
“She didn’t,” I say then.
“She didn’t what?”
…didn’t believe the rumors. The lies.
She actually never did. Not even back when we’d first met. It was my asshole behavior that pushed her away, that finally convinced her that she should hate me. Not the gossip about me.
She didn’t believe it yesterday either. When again, I was trying to do the same. Trying to show her who I am underneath.
In fact, she stood up for me.